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34個CGTN 雙語視頻集
我給別人寫過十多篇文章，卻始終沒給我媽寫過一個字，因為所有的母親，兒女們都認為是偉大又善良……
——賈平凹
寫給母親
Written for My Mother
賈平凹
胡宗鋒 羅賓•吉爾班克 譯
By Jia Pingwa
Translated from the Chinese by
Hu Zongfeng & Robin Gilbank
視頻來自網絡
朗讀者：斯琴高娃
人活著的時候，只是事情多，不計較白天和黑夜。人一旦死了日子就堆起來：算一算，再有二十天，我媽就三周年了。
When people are alive, they do not care about day and night because they can only occupy themselves with a finite number of matters. Once a person has passed away, the days pile up: according to my reckoning, in twenty days』 time it will be the third anniversary of my mother’s death.
三年裡，我一直有個奇怪的想法，就是覺得我媽沒有死，而且還覺得我媽自己也不以為她就死了。常說人死如睡，可睡的人是知道要睡去，睡在了床上，卻並不知道在什麼時候睡著的呀。我媽跟我在西安生活了十四年，大病後醫生認定她的各個器官已在衰竭，我才送她回棣花老家維持治療。每日在老家掛上液體了，她也清楚每一瓶液體完了，兒女們會換上另一瓶液體的，所以便放心地閉了眼躺著。到了第三天的晚上，她閉著的眼是再沒有睜開，但她肯定還是認為她在掛液體了，沒有意識到從此再不醒來，因為她躺下時還讓我妹把給她擦臉的毛巾洗一洗，梳子放在了枕邊，系在褲帶上的鑰匙沒有解，也沒有交代任何後事啊。
During these three years, I have been seized by a queer sensation, namely I have felt that my mother is not actually gone. I have also felt that my mother shares the sense that she has not departed. It is said that dying is like going to sleep, but while the sleeper knows he must slumber on a bed he does not know when exactly he will drift off. For fourteen years, my mother lived together with me in Xi』an. After a serious illness, the doctor confirmed that all of her organs were in a state of terminal exhaustion. I then decided to send her back to our home village of Dihua, where she might continue to receive medical care. Every day, in my home village, she knew that once one bag of intravenous medicine was spent, her children would feed another into the drip. She simply shut her eyes and lay down there at ease. On the third night, her closed eyes did not open, but she was certain that the drip remained attached. She did not realize that thereafter she would never regain consciousness because when she lay down she asked my younger sister to wash her facecloth. The comb lay beside her pillow. The key tied to her belt stayed fastened. She did not convey her final wishes.
三年以前我每打噴嚏，總要說一句：這是誰想我呀？我媽愛說笑，就接茬說：誰想哩，媽想哩！這三年裡，我的噴嚏尤其多，往往錯過吃飯時間，熬夜太久，就要打噴嚏，噴嚏一打，便想到我媽了，認定是我媽還在牽掛我哩。
Three years ago, whenever I sneezed I would always ask 「who is missing me?」 My mother loved to crack jokes. She would pick up where I left off and say 「who is missing? Your mother is missing you!」 During these three years, I have sneezed with greater regularity. Usually, when I am late for a meal or stay up for too long I will sneeze. When I sneeze I think of my mother and I am certain that my mother is still missing me.
我媽在牽掛著我，她並不以為她已經死了，我更是覺得我媽還在，尤其我一個人靜靜地待在家裡，這種感覺就十分強烈。我常在寫作時，突然能聽到我媽在叫我，叫得很真切，一聽到叫聲我便習慣地朝右邊扭過頭去。從前我媽坐在右邊那個房間的床頭上，我一伏案寫作，她就不再走動，也不出聲，卻要一眼一眼看著我，看得時間久了，她要叫我一聲，然後說：世上的字你能寫完嗎，出去轉轉麼。現在，每聽到我媽叫我，我就放下筆走進那個房間，心想我媽從棣花來西安了？當然是房間裡什麼也沒有，卻要立上半天，自言自語我媽是來了又出門去街上給我買我愛吃的青辣子和蘿蔔了。或許，她在逗我，故意藏到掛在牆上的她那張照片裡，我便給照片前的香爐裡上香，要說上一句：我不累。
My mother is missing me. She does not believe that she has passed away. I am even more convinced that she is still alive. This feeling is especially intense when I stay quietly alone at home. Often, when I am writing I will suddenly hear that my mother is calling me. The voice is real and sincere. On hearing her call, I will customarily twist my head to the right. Before, my mother used to perch on the edge of the bed in the room to the right-hand side. When I craned over and began to write, she would stop walking around and not make a peep. Instead she would keep her eyes fixed on me. After having stared at me for a long time, she would call out for me and then say, 「Can you finish writing all the words in the world? Go out and walk for a while.」 Now, whenever, I hear that my mother is calling me I will lay down my pen and walk into the room. I wonder if my mother has come to Xi』an from Dihua? Of course, there is nothing in the room, but I will stand there for a long time and say to myself that my mother has returned, but popped out onto the street to buy my favorite green peppers and radishes. Or perhaps, she is pulling my leg by deliberately hiding behind her portrait hung on the wall? I will then burn incense in the censing bowl in front of the picture and add one sentence: 「I am not tired.」
整整三年了，我給別人寫過十多篇文章，卻始終沒給我媽寫過一個字，因為所有的母親，兒女們都認為是偉大又善良，我不願意重複這些詞語。我媽是一位普通的婦女，纏過腳，沒有文化，戶籍還在鄉下，但我媽對於我是那樣的重要。已經很長時間了，雖然再不為她的病而提心弔膽了，可我出遠門，再沒有人囉囉嗦嗦地叮嚀著這樣叮嚀著那樣，我有了好吃的好喝的，也不知道該送給誰去。
Over those three years, I have composed dozens of articles for others, but never written one single character for my mother. This is because in the eyes of their children all mothers are great and kind. I do not want to repeat this cliché. My mother was an ordinary woman with bound feet. She was illiterate and her household registration certificate was still that of a peasant. However, my mother was so important to me. After a long, long time the thought of her illness no longer brings my heart into my mouth. And yet whenever I prepare to venture to a distant place there is no longer anybody nag me to do this and that. When I am given fine food and drink, I no longer know to whom I should send them.
在西安的家裡，我媽住過的那個房間，我沒有動一件家具，一切擺設還原模原樣，而我再沒有看見過我媽的身影。我一次又一次難受著又給自己說，我媽沒有死，她是住回鄉下老家了。今年的夏天太溼太熱，每晚被溼熱醒來，恍惚裡還想著該給我媽的房間換個新空調了。待清醒過來，又寬慰著我媽在鄉下的新住處裡，應該是清涼的吧。
In my home in Xi』an, I have not moved a stick of furniture in the room where my mother formerly lived. Everything has been left in its original state. However, I have never glimpsed my mother’s shadow. Again and again, I have repeated gravely to myself: 「My mother is not dead. She has gone to live in the countryside.」 This summer it is too hot and humid. Every night when the heat and humidity wakes me, in a trance I think that I should install a new air-conditioner for my mother. When I spring back to my senses, I comfort myself that my mother is living in a new place in the countryside. That place must be cool.
三周年的日子一天天臨近，鄉下的風俗是要辦一場儀式的，我準備著香燭花果，回一趟棣花了。但一回棣花，就要去墳上，現實告訴著我，媽是死了，我在地上，她在地下，陰陽兩隔，母子再也難以相見，頓時熱淚肆流，長聲哭泣啊。
The date of the third anniversary is drawing near. According to the custom of the countryside we should hold a special ceremony. I am preparing candles, incense, and fruit, ready to go back to Dihua. But once I return to Dihua, I have to visit her grave. The reality is that my mother has passed away. I am on the ground and she is beneath it. Life and death separate us. The mother and son can never cross paths again. Tears cascade down my face accompanied by a long wail.
弱者都是群居著，
所以有芸芸眾生。
……
巨富們的掙錢成了一種職業，種豬們的配種更不是為了愛情。
——賈平凹
孤獨地走向未來
Walking to the Future Alone
賈平凹
By Jia Pingwa
胡宗鋒羅賓•吉爾班克 譯
Translated from the Chinese by
Hu Zongfeng & Robin Gilbank
好多人在說自己孤獨，說自己孤獨的人其實並不孤獨。孤獨不是受到了冷落和遺棄，而是無知己，不被理解。真正的孤獨者不言孤獨，偶爾作些長嘯，如我們看到的獸。
So many people claim that they are lonely. Actually those who say this out loud are not. Loneliness is not a matter of feeling the cold shoulder or being abandoned. Rather it comes about when you have no bosom friends and are misunderstood by others. Someone who is genuinely lonely will not mention this. Instead they will just heave long sighs like beasts.
弱者都是群居著，所以有芸芸眾生。弱者奮鬥的目的是轉化為強者，像蛹向蛾的轉化，但一旦轉化成功了，就失去了原本滿足和享受欲望的要求。國王是這樣，名人是這樣，巨富們的掙錢成了一種職業，種豬們的配種更不是為了愛情。
The weak always congregate together. So many ordinary folks do just that. The weak stuggle on in life with the purpose of becoming strong. Just as a pupa metamorphosising into a moth, once the change is complete, they promptly lose their original drive to satisfy and fulfil a desire. Monarchs, as well as celebrities, have been through this process too. For the superrich, making money is a profession, just like wild boars who spread their seed without needing love.
我見過相當多的鬱鬱寡歡者，也見過一些把皮膚和毛髮弄得怪異的人，似乎要做孤獨，這不是孤獨，是孤僻，他們想成為六月的麥子，卻在僅長出一尺餘高就出穗孕粒，結的只是蠅子頭般大的實。
I have met lots of melancholy and sullen people. I have also met some who have tattoos and dyed their hair in a very weird way. They try to put on an air of being lonely. This is not true loneliness but eccentricity. They want to be like wheat in June, shooting out ears when they are only one foot high. Their grain is no bigger than the head of a fly.
每個行當裡都有著孤獨人，在文學界我遇到了一位。他的聲名流布全國，對他的誹謗也鋪天蓋地，他總是默默，寵辱不驚，過著日子和進行著寫作，但我知道他是孤獨的。
There are lonely people in every walk of life. I met one such person in the literary field. He was famous all over China, and the slander spouted about him could blot out the sky and cover up the earth. However, he remained silent. Regardless of whether he was being flattered or trampled upon, he carries on his daily life and writing. I knew that he was lonely.
「先生，」我有一天走近了他，說，「你想想，當一碗肉大家都在眼睛盯著並努力去要吃到，你卻首先將肉端跑了，能避免不被群起而攻之嗎？」
One day I approached him and said: 「Sir, just you think about it, when everyone’s eyes are coveting a bowl of meat, you grab it and run away. How can you avoid being attacked by all sides?」
他聽了我的話，沒有說是或者不是，也沒有停下來握一下我的手，突然間淚流滿臉。
After hearing my words, he neither said yes nor no, nor did he stop and shake hands with me. All of a sudden his face was drenched with tears.
「先生，先生……」我攆著他還要說。
「Sir, sir!」 I chased after him.
「我並不孤獨。」他說，匆匆地走掉了。
「I am not lonely.」 With those words he left in a hurry.
我以為我要成為他的知己，但我失敗了，那他為什麼要流淚呢，「我並不孤獨」又是什麼意思呢？
I thought I could become his bosom friend, though failed. Why did he shed tears? What did he mean by 「I am not lonely」?
一年後這位作家又出版了新作，在書中的某一頁上我讀到了「聖賢庸行，大人小心」八個字，我終於明白了，塵世並不會輕易讓一個人孤獨的，群居需要一種平衡，嫉妒而引發的誹謗，扼殺，打擊和迫害，你若不再脫穎，你將平凡，你若繼續走，走，終於使眾生無法趕超了，眾生就會向你歡呼和崇拜，尊你是神聖。神聖是真正的孤獨。
A year later, this writer published another book. On one of its pages I found eight words 「Great saints behave vulgarly, great people act cautiously.」 I finally understood: the world is never quick to make somebody feel lonely. Communal living requires a kind of balance. Jealousy triggers off slander, homocide, humiliation, attacks and persecution. If you do not stand out of the crowd, you will remain common. If you toil on and on, the others can no longer catch up with or surpass you. They are then compelled to worship and applaud you, exalting you as some divine being. Those who are divine are truly lonely.
走向孤獨的人難以接受憐憫和同情
It is very hard for a man walking towards loneliness to accept the pity and sympathy of others.
來源：陝西譯協
TED年度最佳演講 | 我孤獨，我樂意，但我痛苦
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