Lest you think the OFA is the only bizarre law associated with pungent old me: In Dyersburg, Tennessee, for a time, one was not allowed to enter a movie theater within four hours of eating raw onions, and it was against the law in Lexington, Kentucky, to carry one or more of me in your pocket. Meanwhile, women in Wolf Point, Montana, were thought to be justified in forcing their spouses to eat raw onions if they were found drinking.
這還不是我捲入的唯一奇特的法案。在戴爾斯堡和田納西州有一段時間，在4個小時內吃過生洋蔥的人不允許走進電影院；在列剋星敦和肯塔基州，口袋裡攜帶一個及以上的我就是違法。與此同時，蒙大拿州沃爾夫波因特的女性如果發現自己的丈夫喝酒，就可以強迫他們生吃洋蔥，這種行為是被法律所允許的。
Just sitting there in your pantry or in the produce section, I look innocent of all charges. Whether yellow, red, white, or sweet like Walla Wallas and Vidalias, I am a simple dirt-growing bulb, with stem and root ends and not a whiff of the stink that might cause you to write harsh laws in my name.
在食品儲藏室或農產品區的我看起來極其無辜。無論是黃的，紅的，白的，還是甜如 Walla Wallas 和 Vidalias 等牌子的洋蔥，我只是一個髒兮兮的球莖，有莖和根尖，一點臭味都沒有，絲毫不值得人們把我的大名寫入法案。
But when you cut into me, the forensic truth reveals itself: I am an allium, a botanical genus that includes garlic, leeks, and chives, all of us built to defend ourselves via noxious, eye-watering fumes.
但是，當你切開我的身體，我的本質就顯示出來了：我是一種蔥屬植物，同屬的還包括大蒜、韭菜和香蔥，我們所有人都是為了保護自己，才會冒出令人流淚的有毒氣體。
When my cells are crushed or cut, an enzyme called alliinase and another called lachrymatory factor synthase react via a molecule called syn-propanethial-S-oxide. To translate those fancy scientific terms: I fight back.
當我的細胞被粉碎或切割時，一種叫做蒜氨酸酶和另一種叫做催淚因子合酶的酶會發生化學反應。把這些花哨的科學術語翻譯一下就是：我在反抗。
The more I’m cut, the more vigorously I do so. Finely pureed raw onion will be more noxious than thick slices. Ring cuts will be more pungent than stem-to-root cuts, since pole-to-pole slicing damages fewer of my cells. Even knife selection makes a difference: A dull blade crushes more of my cells than a sharp one, which means more tears on your cutting board.
我被切得越碎，反抗得就越用力。切碎的生洋蔥比厚洋蔥片更嗆人。橫著切比豎著切更刺鼻，因為豎著切傷害到的細胞數更少。就連刀具的選擇也會產生影響：鈍的刀片比鋒利的刀片更能碾碎我的細胞，這意味著你的菜板上會有更多的眼淚。