short funny home quotes
Home is where the WiFi connects automatically.
I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.
A messy house is a home I can live in.
Home: Where the pants are optional.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Home is where you hang your heart—and your dirty laundry.
new home quotes funny short
A new home is just a fancy way to say "I own a bunch of stuff that needs fixing."
Bought a house—now I'm not just broke, I'm house-broke.
New home sweet home: where the mortgage is king and coffee is queen.
My new place is so big, I wave to myself from across the room.
Homeownership: trading rent for regrets and a leaky roof.
Who needs a vacation? I just moved into my new adventure.
New house rule: If it breaks, blame the previous owners.
Finally, a home where I can lose my keys in style.
short quotes about home
Home is where the heart is.
There's no place like home.
Home sweet home.
A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.
Where we love is home.
funny quotes for home decor
"Home sweet home... or as I like to call it, the place where my pants are optional."
"I put the 'pro' in procrastinate."
"Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up. I promise to make it up to you tonight."
"If you can read this, bring me some coffee."
"My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do."
"Life is short. Buy the shoes... and the wine."
"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode."
"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries."
"In my house, we believe in taco Tuesday... and Wednesday... and Thursday."
"May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short."
funny new home quotes
"My new home is where I keep my stuff... and by stuff, I mean mostly unpacked boxes."
"Home sweet home: Finally, a place where I can lose my keys in peace."
"Moving in: Because who needs a social life when you have 47 boxes labeled 'miscellaneous'?"
"I love my new house; it's the one place I can dance like nobody's watching, mostly because the neighbors can't see through the curtains yet."
"They say the best things in life are free, but they clearly never paid movers to carry their couch up three flights of stairs."
"My new home is so cozy, even the spiders are paying rent."
"Welcome to my castle—it's still got that new house smell, mixed with a hint of regret for buying so much furniture."
"I moved into a new place and instantly became an expert at assembling IKEA furniture... or at least at pretending I know what I'm doing."
"New home motto: If you can't find it, you probably don't need it—until you really do."
"Happiness is a new home with a fridge full of takeout menus."
funny quotes about life
"Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth." – Unknown
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good." – Stephen Wright
"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time." – Joe Girard
"Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but it's your choice to scream or enjoy the ride." – Unknown
"I'm not getting older, I'm just becoming a classic." – Unknown
"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." – John Lennon
"The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets." – Unknown
"Life doesn't imitate art; it imitates bad television." – Woody Allen
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." – Douglas Adams
"Life is like a cup of coffee – it's all in how you make it." – Unknown
going home quotes
"There's no place like home." - Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz
"Home is where the heart is." - Pliny the Elder
"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." - Maya Angelou
"Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to." - John Ed Pearce
"East or West, home is best." - Traditional saying
"Going back to your old home is like reading an old letter." - Turkish Proverb
"The magic thing about home is that it feels good to leave, and it feels even better to come back." - Wendy Wunder
"Home is not where you live but where they understand you." - Christian Morgenstern
"I have learned that home exists in the soul." - Unknown
house m.d. quotes
Everybody lies.
It's never lupus.
If you can fake sincerity, you can fake anything.
Treating patients is the easy part; it's the other stuff that's hard.
People don't change; they just find new ways to lie.
You talk to God, you're religious; God talks to you, you're psychotic.
I don't care if you think you're right; I care if you are right.
The most successful marriages are based on lies.
Just because you don't want it to be true doesn't mean it's not true.