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大家好 我是約翰尼·諾克斯維爾
Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville.
歡迎收看蠢蛋搞怪秀
Welcome to Jackass!
謝謝
Thank you very much.
別人總是問我
People are always asking me,
有木有什麼事是你丫不做的?
"ls there anything that you just wouldn't do?"
我要說 這就是了
Well, this is it.
這只是鱷魚龜
It's the Alligator Snapping Turtle,
很可能是我的小屁屁承受過的最痛的事
probably the meanest thing I'll have ever done to my butt.
操 操 操
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
操
Fuck!
別看 史蒂夫-O 別看
Don't look at him, Steve-O. Don't look at him.
-快看啊 -別看
-Look at him. -Don't look at him.
放鬆 放鬆
Relax, relax.
別看
Don't look at it.
看啊
Look at it.
我勒個去
Shit!
操 瑪麗隔壁
Fuck! God damn it!
-操 -放鬆
-Fuck! -Relax.
-放鬆 -放鬆就好了
-Relax! -Relax. Just relax.
-忍著點 -好
-Hold your ground. -Okay.
-操 肯定很痛 -臥槽
-Fuck, that must hurt really bad. -Shit.
-操 -你沒事吧?
-Fuck. -Are you okay?
-娘親啊 -操
-Mama. -Fuck.
你妹 現在它還不肯鬆口了?
Okay, now he's just not gonna fucking let go?
我就知道會這樣 它就是不鬆口
I knew this was fucking gonna happen! He's not letting go!
-你妹 -放鬆 你要放鬆
-Shit. -Relax. You need to relax.
操
Fuck!
-問題出在烏龜身上 -我放鬆了 尼瑪
-The turtle's the problem. -I'm relaxed! Shit!
估計會很嚇人 要是...
This would be horrifying if...
-放鬆 -放鬆
-Relax. -Relax.
-好吧 -放鬆了嗎?
-Okay. -Relax?
-放鬆你妹 -我要...
-Who could relax? -I'm just gonna...
狗娘...
You son...
偶滴神 放鬆 放鬆
Jeez, relax, relax.
-我頂 -忍著點 別拉
-Shit! -Hold it together. Don't pull.
-別拉 -別拉
-Don't pull. -Don't pull.
-它就是不鬆口 -老天
-it doesn't wanna let go. -God!
-偶滴神啊 -操
-Oh, my God. -Fuck!
嚇死爹了
That was horrifying.
哇
Wow.
-快拿走 -狗娘養的
-Get him out of here. -Son of a bitch!
啊 老天爺
Oh, my God.
它咬得不輕啊
He got you good.
是啊
Yeah.
這就是我一直不肯幹這事兒的原因
There's a reason why I turned that down for So many years.
我什麼都看不見
I can't see anything!
-腿張開 -放手 放手 下來吧
-Spread your legs. -Let go. Let go. Drop.
幹得好
You're good.
沒事吧?
You all right?
要吃個甜甜圈麼?
You want a doughnut?
這是塑料桶衝浪
This is Barrel Surfing.
塑料桶衝浪是專為想死的傻逼設計的
Big-barrel surfing's for macho jerks with a death wish.
不 才不是 它會讓你體會到無與倫比的快感和刺激
No, it's not. It's the ultimate thrill, the ultimate rush.
比嘿咻還爽
Even more than sex.
不一定 要看你上的是誰
Well, that depends on who you're doing it with.
幹得不錯
That was pretty good.
扶住
Hold them!
我看班姆第一把幹得不錯
I think Bam was great at it the first time,
現在唐恩要將失敗率提升到
and now Dunn's stepped in to up the failure rate
一個前所未有的高度
to an all-time high.
偶滴神啊
Oh, my God.
我鼻子上沾到大糞了
I've got a pile of shit in my nose.
我是瑞恩·唐恩 為你送上臉部衝浪
I'm Ryan Dunn. This is face surfing.
拍完沒?
That scene done yet?
在拍攝現場有五成快樂
Being on set is 50% fun as hell,
另外五成就是焦慮和多疑
and the other 50% is just pure anxiety, paranoia...
-老天 -哦 天啊
-Jesus. -Oh, God.
我只在乎一件事 地上他媽是溼的
The only thing I care about is that it's fucking wet down here.
拍攝蠢蛋搞怪秀看似過癮
Shooting a Jackass movie, it seems super fun,
其實很慘
but it's actually hell
因為大家都在互相作弄
because everyone is trying to get everyone.
特別是我 因為我總是整別人
In particular me, because I've been a dick to everyone the whole time.
拍攝蠢蛋搞怪秀的時候 現場所有人 都很緊張
It gets very tense on set when we're filming Jackass.
每時每刻都要提高警惕
You're always looking over your shoulder.
因為隨時有可能禍事臨頭
You just know something horrible is gonna happen to you.
不是可能 是一定會
And it's not like it might. It will.
這是綁在棍子上的鱷魚龜
It's a snapping turtle on a stick.
作弄埃倫最爽不過了
Fucking with Ehren is the best thing even.
他現在在哪? 我想在他身上撒尿什麼的
Where's he at right now? I wanna pee on him or something.
埃倫在裡面睡覺
Ehren's in there sleeping.
我們手上拿的是心臟起搏器
We got Ghetto Defibrillators.
散開
Clear!
我勒個去
Fuck you!
我擔心你啊
I was worried about you.
不知道你是不是掛掉了
Didn't know if you'd died.
是啊 你都幾個小時沒打呼嚕了
I know. You were in here snoring for three hours, dude.
我們不知道你還活著不
We didn't know if you'd died.
別怕 我們是醫生
It's all right. We're doctors.
你們就一群混蛋
You guys are dicks.
在這裡睡一下都不行?
Can't somebody sleep a little bit around here?
不行哦 要的就是這個
No. That's the whole point.
你當然可以睡
Sure, you can sleep.
你要是被好好地整了一把
You know that if you're being pranked, if it's a good prank,
片段就會出現在影片裡
it's gonna end up in the movie.
沒得商量
And footage is footage.
毫無疑問 人人都緊張得很
But definitely, tensions get hot.
不知道下一秒會發生什麼
And you never know what's gonna happen.
他不在你附近
He's not anywhere near you.
他躲在你娘的鐵絲網後面
He's hiding behind a motherfucking chain-link fence.
鐵絲網哦
A chain-link fence.
比這個更爛
That's worse than this.
臥槽 他要過來揍我了
He's gonna fucking try and Rocky my ass right now.
餵 餵
Hey, hey!
停手啊
Guys, stop.
停手
Stop.
停手 停下 聽話
Stop, stop, stop. Come on.
沒事了 別打
Lt's cool. Come on.
-這一幕叫什麼好? -沒事了
-What was the name of that bit? -Chill.
不知道
I don't know.
-"互毆"? -一個字 "打"
-"Fighting Each Other"? -"Fight!"
我告訴你哦 太傷腦筋了
I'm telling you, it's nerve-racking, dude.
必須用暴力發洩一下
You gotta let out some aggression.
夥計 真的太傷神了
Man, it is nerve-racking as hell.
只要一開機 所有人每時每刻都在互相攻擊
'Cause 24/7, when we're shooting, all of us are always attacking each other.
我可能攻擊別人多一點
I may be attacking everyone a little more.
-操 -什麼鬼東西?
-Fuck! -What the fuck was that?
我看過一部巴斯特·基頓的電影
I saw a Buster Keaton film
他把一個迷你大炮綁在腳上
where he had a mini cannon tied to his foot,
然後弄不下來了
and he couldn't get it off his foot.
我覺得很有趣
And I thought it looked funny.
所以 我們也做了一個
And so, we had one built.
這裡
Here.
最有趣的是 我走到埃倫身後
One of the funniest times is when I walked up behind Ehren
帶著迷你大炮 穿成海盜的樣子
with the mini cannon, and I was dressed as a pirate.
起來走吧
Get up and go.
他一直走來走去 害我不停重新擺位
And he kept moving and I had to keep repositioning,
終於 他轉過身發現了我
and finally, he turns around and busts me.
所以 我不得不抬著迷你大炮走開
And so, I have to walk this mini cannon out of frame,
一點也不鬼祟 超尷尬
very un-sneakily, and it was really awkward.
不過他...五分鐘前還警惕到死
But he just... Five minutes, hyper-vigilant,
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