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The idea of being a sociable person
如今 善於交際的人
is nowadays heavily associated with finding enjoyment in going to,
多指那些喜歡參加聚會
and in all likelihood also in giving, parties.
而且很喜歡舉辦聚會的人
To be sociable means welcoming the idea
善於交際意味著
of being in a room replete with an above-average number of other guests,
喜歡待在 比較擁擠的房間裡
many of whom will be unknown,
客人們大都互不相識
most of whom will be holding a glass of alcohol, bantering,
他們大多數喝著酒 相互調侃著
with lights lower than they normally would be,
在昏暗的燈光下
and music somewhat higher than required
伴著較高的音樂聲
in order faithfully to catch the details of another’s voice.
以便認真捕捉他人言下之意
Parties have become synonymous with sociability
聚會已成為社交的同義詞
because of certain underlying ideas about
因為人們更注重對於真實的社會關係的
what true social connection might require and entail.
要求和需求
We assume that sociability naturally springs up
可以假設當很多人聚集在一間屋子時
when lots of people are put together in a room,
社交活動會自然而然展開
that it means speaking a lot and notably cheerfully
人們興高採烈的討論著
about things that have been happening in our lives,
生活中所發生的事情
that it depends on a jokey manner
語氣要詼諧
and ideally on the possession of a few entertaining anecdotes,
最好有一些趣聞軼事
often involving striking coincidences.
常常還會有驚人的巧合
But such assumptions sidestep two sizeable objections.
但是這樣的假設忽視了兩個較大的問題
Firstly, true sociability that is
首先 真正的社交
is a real connection between two people
是兩個人之間真實的交流
is almostneverbuilt up via anythingcheerful.
它幾乎從不涉及任何愉快的事情
It is the result of making ourselves vulnerable before another person,
因為這讓我們脆弱的一面展現在別人面前
by revealing something that is broken, lost, confused,
表現自己的脆弱 迷失 疑惑
lonely and in pain within us.
孤獨和心中的苦痛
We build genuine connections when we dare to exchange thoughts
當我們勇於交換思想時 我們建立了真正的聯結
that might leave us open to humiliation and judgement;
這可能會讓我們面臨羞辱和批判
we make real friends
我們通過坦誠且毫無保留的方式
through sharing in an uncensored and frank way
分享生活中的煩惱和疑惑
a little of the agony and confusion of being alive.
以此交到真正的朋友
Secondly, true sociability requires a context.
第二 真正的社交需要一個背景
We are generally under such pressure
我們往往為了
to appear normal, self-possessed and solid,
表現出正常 自製和情緒穩定而承受著壓力
we are understandably uninclined spontaneously to disclose our true selves.
因而不願主動暴露真實的自己
Our default mode is without anything sinister being meant by this
我們會下意識地 但並非出於惡意
to lie about who we are
撒謊掩飾真實的自己
and what is really going on in our lives.
以及生活中真實發生的事情
This suggests that a genuinely social occasion
這表明一個真誠的社交場合
might be rather different from what we typically envisage.
可能與我們通常設想的相當不同
We think of a 『 good host 』
我們認為「稱職的主人」
as someone who makes sure there is enough wine and,
是為客人提供足夠的酒水
at a pinch, ensures people know each other’s names.
以及必要時 保證客人都知道彼此的名字
But in the profound sense, a good host
但是從更深遠的意義來講 一個稱職的主人
is someone who creates the conditions
是可以創造
in which strangers can start to feel safe
讓陌生人在傷心與絕望時
about being sad and desperate together.
感受到安全感的環境
Unfortunately, the modern world seems particularly resistant
很遺憾 現代社會對於聚會中的虛偽現象有很強的適應力
to anything that seems artificial around parties, which threatens to evoke
在這種強大適應性的脅迫下
that most dreaded of all social genres: the corporate get together.
一種最為令人恐懼的社交模式——團體聚會，應運而生
The thought is simply to pack a room
也就是單純整理好房子
and leave the rest to nature.
其他留給大家自由發揮
But a commitment to deep sociability might lead us to recognise
但是為確保深層交流
that we do depend on a little artful choreography
我們需要做一些刻意的渲染
to get us into the psychological zone in which connections can unfold.
讓自己進入心理舒適區 從而敞開心扉
We might need encouragement, and even a helpful lanyard
我們也許需要鼓勵 甚至一個合適的媒介
to share a little of what is sad within us.
來分擔一點我們內心的悲傷
We need help in networking,
我們需要真正的交流
not in order to find new investment opportunities,
不是尋找新的投資機遇
but so as to identify shared regrets, humiliations and feelings of despair.
而是去分享後悔 恥辱 和絕望的感受
Parties, as they are currently structured,
目前所組織的聚會
constitute a clever ruse by a sharp minority,
是極少數人的詭計
perhaps only ten percent of humanity
也許只有百分之十的人
to persuade the rest of us that we have been provided
會去說服其他人
with the social contact we crave.
我們已經為大家提供了你們渴望的社交
But, in truth, it takes a sharply insular and misanthropic person
但事實上 孤僻且獨來獨往的人會感覺
to feel that what goes on in an average party
在平常聚會上所發生的事
really counts as anything like the requisite encounter
是他們作為人類
with one’s fellow human animal.
所必須經歷的
If we have a lingering horror of parties,
如果我們對聚會有揮之不去的恐懼
we should be generous towards our hunches.
我們應該坦然面對這種感覺
It doesn’t mean that we don’t like other people,
這不意味著我們不喜歡其他人
rather that we have too ambitious a conception of social contact
而是由於我們對社交的理解太深刻
to put up with what is on offer at most parties.
而不能忍受現在大多數聚會所提供的東西
The mark of a truly sociable person might,
一個真正的社交達人
in many situations,
在很多情況下
simply be a strong desire to stay at home.
可能只是一個特別想宅在家的人
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生命學院 The School of Life
情感是一種智力，生活需要學習
譯者 kun(o_o) 審核員HL