吸血鬼住所
這個夏天真是令人難忘
So, yes, it has been quite a summer.
-我們終於找到一個新的親信 -沒錯
- We finally got a new familiar. - Yeah.
娜嘉和拉茲洛
-但他出意外死了 -沒錯
- But he had an accident and died. - Yeah.
往左一點 再往左一點
Left a bit. Left a bit more.
不對稱
It's not even.
該死
Shit.
所以我們又找了一個 然後她也出意外
So we found another one and she had an accident
死了
and she died.
靠
Oh, fuck.
我度過了一個"發現自我之夏"
I had what is known as a summer of self-discovery.
南多
我化成了一縷煙霧
I was being a vapor
然後被吸進了空氣淨化器
and I got sucked into an air purifier.
但除了這件事
But apart from that,
這個夏天還挺漫長的
pretty slow summer.
然後下一個也出了意外
And then the same thing happened with the next one.
我在車管局耗了好久
I spent so much time at the DMV
柯林·魯賓遜
精力吸血鬼
他們終於給我發了駕照
they finally just gave me a license.
我做了任何一個年輕帥哥會做的事
I did what any young, handsome man would do,
我去買了一輛經典款的敞篷車
I went and bought a classic convertible,
把頂篷敞 功放音樂
put the top down, blasted some tunes and, uh,
我堵住了林肯隧道的入口
I blocked the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel.
我這一天也被毀了 你們知道吧
This is gonna ruin my day, too, you know.
-然後又死了一個 -對
- And then the next one. - Yep.
我們這一年換了六個...不 七個親信
We've been through about six-- no, seven familiars this year.
-七個 -對 還記得喬伊吧
- Seven? - Yeah, remember Joey?
不記得了 親愛的 我和他沒那麼親
No, my dear, I'm not that familiar.
你不記得了嗎
No, don't you remember?
他的腸子直接從屁股裡出來了
His intestines came straight out of his bum.
那個喬伊啊 想起來了
Oh, Joey. Yeah, yeah.
我沒啥新聞
Not much new with me.
我大部分時間都待在樓上的臥室裡
I've been spending a lot more time in the upstairs bathroom.
吉爾莫
吸血鬼親信
除了這點 我這個夏天過得挺輕鬆愉快的
But besides that, my summer's been pretty mellow and--
還有這個小傢伙
There's this little guy.
來 我整個夏天都在試圖和他交朋友
Here. I've been trying to make friends with him all summer.
別害怕 進來吧
Don't be afraid. Come on in.
這是我這個月殺的第十隻吸血鬼了
That's the tenth vampire I killed this month.
這些吸血鬼刺客一直試圖殺了
These vampire assassins keep trying to kill
南多 娜嘉和拉茲洛
Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo
從他們逃離吸血鬼理事會後就開始了
ever since they escaped from the Vampiric Council.
我這麼做是為了保護我的主人
I'm doing it to protect my master.
但我不能告訴他我是個吸血鬼殺手
But I can't tell him I'm a vampire killer,
不然他就得殺了我
because then he'd have to kill me.
吉爾莫 你在幹什麼呢
Guillermo, what are you doing?
-除塵 -你能小聲點除嗎
- Dusting. - Well, can you dust more quietly please?
-我這正睡著呢 -好的
- I'm trying to sleep. - Okay.
我72小時沒睡了
I haven't slept in 72 hours.
我一直在吃這些裹著巧克力的咖啡豆
I've been eating these chocolate-covered espresso beans.
它們為你補充精力 讓你能一直工作
They give you enough pep just to keep going
一直一直一直工作 裝作...
and just keep going, going, going and pretend...
Guillermo?
廁所有人 別開門
Someone's in here! Please don't open the door.
你是不是又把廁所弄得一團糟
Did you make a messy toilet again?
是的 出了點意外
I-I did. I-I had an accident.
-好吧 我只是進來... -別 主人 別開...
- Well, actually, I just wanted to... - No, Master, don't open...
Oh, Guillermo.
你真的該多喝點水了
You should really drink more water.
吸血鬼生活
第二季 第一集
總之 那些都過去了了
Anyway, that is all in the past,
因為我們終於找到個不錯的
because we have finally found us a good one.
託佛 進來
Topher, come in here!
-看看這個 -託託
- Look at this. - Tophie!
骷髏油準備好了 夫人
Your skull polish, madam.
-我在外面候著 -他走了
- I'll be right outside. - There he goes.
去處理事情了
Take care of business. Ooh.
託佛絕對是
Topher is an absolutely
"別無所求"的優質親信
"Bob's your money" Spectacular familiar.
還有他的簡歷
And his résumé
真是無可挑剔
is impeccable.
託佛·德爾莫尼科
教育經歷
利哈伊河大學(山中隼飛翔吧)--商業&經濟學士
頭·歐米伽·西格瑪 -#致以關愛和敬意#我的兄弟
工作經歷
利哈伊河企業家俱樂部--高級副主席
Instagram公司--社交媒體顧問
確實 他精通電腦表格
It is. He is proficient in Excel.
微軟#表格#有條不紊
和我的妹子一起玩#我的愛情生活
利哈伊河大學畢業
And went to Lehigh.
我和我老婆根本不雞兒知道
Now, my wife and I have not a whore's notion
這些信息是什麼意思
what any of that means.
但我們就是喜歡
But we like it.
需要幫忙嗎 吉大款
Need any help with that, G-Money?
不用 我能行
Nah, I got it.
就像我爹過去常說
It's like my father used to say.
"絕不接受義大利人的饋贈"
"Never accept a towel from an Italian."
-是啊 -確實如此 親愛的 -託佛
- Yeah. - Very true, darling. - Topher.
-主人 -看到你拉長的身體
- Master. - Watching you stretch
在壁爐上晃來晃去
your young body across that fireplace,
-你知道你讓我想起誰嗎 -誰 主人
- You know who you remind me of? - Who, Master?
我自己
Me.
過來點
Bring it in.
你們是最棒的
You're the best.
-吉爾莫 吉爾莫 -我在 主人 怎麼了
- Guillermo! Guillermo! - Y-Yes, Master? Yes?
我的鬥篷又在街上拖到屎了
I dragged my cape through a street doo-doo again.
我拖了八條街之後才發現
I dragged it for three blocks before I noticed
我都不好意思說 在發現之後
and I'm embarrassed to say I dragged it
我又拖了八條街
for another eight blocks after that.
-你為什麼要那樣做 主人 -我以為會有用
- Why did you do that, Master? - Well, I thought it would help,
想著可以把屎拖掉
you know, drag the doo-doo off.
-總之 請幫我處理下 -嘿
- Anyway, take care of it please. - Hey, uh,
-需要我幫忙嗎 -不用
- You want me to fly in with the assist? - No!
上面的屎確實很多
That actually is a-a lot of shit on it.
這種好事吉爾莫自己"擼"吧
This is a good solo job for Guillermo.
不過謝謝你忙碌一番 小託佛
But thank you for the hustle, Topherino!
當心
Look out.
-忙碌 -我不覺得
- Hustle...? - I don't think so.
-這裡看起來很不錯啊 -是啊
- It looks fantastic in here. - Doesn't it?
-我可以整天看他打掃衛生 -就是
- I could watch him clean all day. - Yes.
你這樣說我很高興
All right, I'm glad to hear you say that.
好吧
All right.
好吧 再見 鮑比
All right! Bye, Bobby.
這是我的一點副業
It's my little side hustle.
這種烈性蘋果酒我有0.5%的股份
I'm a 0.5 percent owner in this dope new line of hard ciders.
叫硬核蘋果酒
It's called Doze Apples Hard Cider.
很聰明啊 因為是用蘋果釀的
That's clever, 'cause it-- they're made with apples.
蘋果味的
Apple flavoring,
-我們不得不說 -拉茲洛和娜嘉知道嗎
- We have to say. - Do Laszlo and Nadja -know about this?
他們不知道就沒事
What they don't know can't hurt them.
-我說得對嗎 擊掌 -我...
- Am I right? High five. - I...
-來吧 老兄 別把我晾著 -我不知道 只是
- Come on, dawg. Don't leave me hanging. - I don't know. Just...
-我們的工作 -老兄 別把我晾著 老兄
- With our job... - Dawg. Don't leave me hanging, dawg.
-只是我們 -老兄 別把我晾著...
- And we're just... - Dawg. Don't leave me hang...
-我只是覺得 -別 再好好擊個掌 老兄
- I just think that... - No, give me a better one, dawg.
-我只是覺得 -再來 擊掌
- I just think... - Again, high five!
不錯 擊掌
Oh, yeah. High five.
我就是覺得我們可以
I feel like there's a way
很酷 比如你 性格就很酷
to be cool-- which you are, you're very cool...
-謝謝 -同時也尊重別人 你覺得呢
- Thank you. - ...and also, respectful, you know?
你得讓他們知道
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