夫君道不正，臣職不明，此天下第一事也。於此不言，更復何言？大臣持祿而外為諛，小臣畏罪而面為順，陛下有不得知而改之行之者，臣每恨焉。是以昧死竭忠，惓惓為陛下言之。
上周我們翻譯的是一篇臣下上疏。上疏是臣子寫給皇帝的信，而這又是一篇直陳勸誡的信。因此在翻譯的時候，最重要的是拿捏言語的分寸，既不能譯為較為隨意口語化的表達失了恭敬，又必須照顧嚴厲懇切的語氣，否則便沒有了原文勸誡的意味。
獲得優勝的是Joanne同學的譯文：
To govern a country, the Emperor should clearly understand the doctrine of monarchy, and the courtiers should thoroughly recognize their own responsibilities. It is most essential and worthier to be spoken out than anything else, isn't it? However, to my most indignation, our senior officials constantly play with flattery, so as not to lose their high posts and handsome wages; while those junior ones always show pretended submission to avoid being punished. As the worst consequence, when make mistakes, Your Majesty is deceived by them and deprived of any opportunity to correct those wrongs. Therefore, hereon, even possibly facing the death penalty, I am sincerely begging Your Majesty to take up my faithful but offensive words above.
Kristy同學的譯文除了個別地方意思表達稍有偏差之外整體也非常不錯：
The improper monarchial rule and ill-defined（此處意思表達稍有欠缺，隨後我們還會詳細分析） official obligations are of such paramount importance that no other affairs shall take higher priority. It rankles me to think that Your Majesty have been kept back from your improprieties of omission and commission, let alone any redemption or redress, for the mere fact that the upper rank officials tend to curry favor so as to keep their positions while the lower rank ones show their lip obedience for fear of any unexpected accusations. I'd therefore present this memorial（此處選詞稍嫌不當） to Your Majesty out of absolute loyalty, in the knowledge that it might lead to the penalty of death.
首先，很多同學在此次翻譯中所犯的一個比較明顯的錯誤是對文章整體語域的把握失當。我們來看一下下面這篇譯文：
Nowaday（拼寫一定要double check喲）, the most serious problem is that the way you use to manage the country is wrong and the official is unclear to their responsibilities. I have to call your attention to it because it is my responsibility. Many senior officials flatter you to keep their jobs and honor and the low-ranking officials submit you to prevent offending you. So, you are hard to found your problems to solve them. Whenever I think of it, I feel pretty upset, so today I make up my mind to tell you that and I am not afraid of being punished by you.
如果單從原文理解和語言表達的角度來看，這篇文章其實都沒有什麼太大的問題，但是這樣一篇譯文拿出來，一定是不合格的，因為低語域的選詞和過於口語化表達，使得譯文的讀者分分鐘都會「出戲」。
而在這方面，相對來說做的比較好的是Issac Yan同學的譯文：
Alas, the emperor's disregard for his codes, the disorganized officialdom（這裡表意和原文稍有出入）, are bound to cause the national concern of extreme gravity. Should I, for one, pretend to be oblivious thereof, I shall then remain so in perpetuity, shall I not?（這裡我可以看出你的intention，但是兩個插入語使得表意出現了歧義，建議將前半個分句改成條件從句） Yet some does anyways: ministers fawn upon Your Majesty for secure emoluments（「持祿」這裡如果按照字面意思翻譯的話是縮小了原文的意思，因為更重要的是官位而非單純的俸祿）, minor functionaries follow suit（表意錯誤） for fear of potential penalties. But（邏輯有問題，這裡並非轉折關係）, the wrongs and ills that arise Your Majesty shall never know of; nor can actions or remedies be taken thenceforth -- the very thought of which inflicts considerable distress upon myself. That said, I today, running the risk of execution, offer in all sincerity these acrid admonitions only to pledge allegiance.
Issac Yan同學的譯文雖然在原文理解和表達上存在一些不盡如人意的地方，但這裡有一個小技巧是大家今後可以學習的，那就是，在進行高語域的英文寫作或中譯英的時候，巧妙地利用倒裝和插入語可以讓行文顯得更為客觀和正式，在說理和勸誡的文章（比如社論和學術文章）中，也會起到很好的效果。
說完了這個比較核心的問題之後，讓我們來看一下這一選段本身理解和轉換的難點。
首先，選文第一句「君道不正，臣職不明」是大家普遍翻譯的不是特別理想的一句。在這一句中的譯文偏差，我覺得更多的還是在理解上。這一句是海瑞這篇上疏的中心主旨，這篇上疏題為「治安疏」，開篇第一句就點明了這個主旨：「為直言天下第一事，以正君道，明臣職，求萬世治安事」。而在文章承上啟下的過渡段中，他自己已經進一步地解釋了他所謂「正君道，明臣職」的意思：「為身家心與懼心合，臣職不明，臣以一二事形跡既為諸臣解之矣。求長生心與惑心合，有辭於臣，君道不正，臣請再為陛下開之。」由此我們得以知道，海瑞所謂的臣職不明，意思是說臣子想要保全自己，又害怕觸怒君主，因此故意模糊了自己的職責，或者說事沒有盡到自己的職責。所以在這裡，如果簡單的按照字面的意思，將其譯為職責不明確（ill-defined obligation, unclear duty）等，意思都稍有偏差，如果譯為irresponsible就更好一些。
其次，「夫君道不正，臣職不明，此天下第一事也。」一句，可以選擇從正面譯【如Joanne同學所譯：To govern a country, the Emperor should clearly understand the doctrine of monarchy, and the courtiers should thoroughly recognize their own responsibilities. Amber同學所譯的：Dishonesty and irresponsibility would plunge the society into great danger（這一句的問題是臣職不明之意irresponsible可以表達，但君道不正不完全是dishonesty）.等】，也可以從反面著手來譯（大多數同學都是這樣譯的，比如Kristy同學：The improper monarchial rule and ill-defined official obligations are of such paramount importance that no other affairs shall take higher priority. 這樣譯的小問題我們上面已經探討過了，如果大家要合原文一樣從反面著手，那麼一定就要注意「不正」和「不明」本身包含的更為深刻的含義）。
第三個難點是文中出現的「君」「臣」以及「陛下」「臣」兩者之間的差異，一個是泛指所有的君臣，另一個是特指世宗和海瑞自己，在翻譯的時候需要注意將兩者區分開來。
另一個難點是文中一些特定名詞的處理，比如「持祿」，更多包含的是對官位的保全，而非簡單的俸祿，如Joanne同學處理的「high post」還有Tina同學處理的「secure their official titles」都可以。
此外還有一個大家犯錯比較多的點是「陛下有不得知而改之行之者」，這句話的中文比較簡單，將改之和行之放在一起說了，是因為中文的代詞指代包含的範圍比英文要廣的多，這一句有的同學根據中文文字直譯成了「cannot know faults, not to mention correcting and implementing them」就會出現歧義，因為在英文中這裡implement後面的「them」指代的還是faults。所以在涉及不同代詞的中譯英的過程中，我們一定要一萬個小心。
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