David Pollard 譯
背影
The View from the Rear
朱自清
Zhu Ziqing
我與父親不相見已二年餘了，我最不能忘記的是他的背影。那年冬天，祖母死了，父親的差使也交卸了，正是禍不單行的日子。我從北京到徐州，打算跟著父親奔喪回家。到徐州見著父親，看見滿院狼藉的東西，又想起祖母，不禁簌簌地流下眼淚。父親說：「事已如此，不必難過，好在天無絕人之路！」
It has been two years and more since I saw my father. My most vivid memory of him is a view of him from the rear. That winter, my grandmother had died, and my father’s job had come to an end; our troubles truly did not come singly then. I left Peking for Xuzhou, to accompany my father home for the funeral. When I saw the household things strewn about the yard, and thought too of my grandmother, I wept copiously. Father said: 『What has happened has happened, you shouldn’t upset yourself. Heaven helps those who help themselves.』
回家變賣典質，父親還了虧空；又借錢辦了喪事。這些日子，家中光景很是慘澹，一半為了喪事，一半為了父親賦閒。喪事完畢，父親要到南京謀事，我也要回北京念書，我們便同行。
When we got home, father paid back what was owed by means of selling and pawning things, and borrowed again to pay for the funeral. Those days at home were very gloomy, partly because of the funeral, partly because of father being out of work. Once the funeral was over, father decided to go to Nanjing to look for work, and as I was returning to Peking to study, we traveled together.
到南京時，有朋友約去遊逛，勾留了一日；第二日上午便須渡江到浦口，下午上車北去。父親因為事忙，本已說定不送我，叫旅館裡一個熟識的茶房陪我同去。他再三囑咐茶房，甚是仔細。但他終於不放心，怕茶房不妥帖；頗躊躇了一會。其實我那年已二十歲，北京已來往過兩三次，是沒有什麼要緊的了。他躊躇了一會，終於決定還是自己送我去。我兩三回勸他不必去；他只說，「不要緊，他們去不好！」
In Nanjing, friends wanted to take us sight-seeing, and that detained us one day. The next morning I was to cross the river to Pukou, where I would take the afternoon train north. Father had already declared he would not see me off because he had too much to do; he arranged for a houseboy he knew at our hotel to go with me. He gave the houseboy his instructions in great detail, and repeated them over and again, but after all that still worried that the houseboy would prove unreliable, and could not finally make up his mind. Actually I was already twenty years old, and had made the trip to Peking two or three times, so it was no great matter. At last he decided to see me off himself. In reply to my protests that it wasn’t necessary he just said, 『It’s all right, I shouldn’t leave it to them.』
我們過了江，進了車站。我買票，他忙著照看行李。行李太多了，得向腳夫行些小費，才可過去。他便又忙著和他們講價錢。我那時真是聰明過分，總覺他說話不大漂亮，非自己插嘴不可，但他終於講定了價錢；就送我上車。他給我揀定了靠車門的一張椅子；我將他給我做的紫毛大衣鋪好座位。他囑我路上小心，夜裡要警醒些，不要受涼。又囑託茶房好好照應我。我心裡暗笑他的迂；他們只認得錢，託他們只是白託！而且我這樣大年紀的人，難道還不能料理自己麼？唉，我現在想想，那時真是太聰明了！
We crossed the river and went into the railway station. While I bought my ticket he looked after the luggage. The luggage was too much for us to cope with; we needed to pay some porters to get it on the train. So he started haggling over a price with them. At that time I thought myself very clear, and didn’t quite approve of the way he spoke to them, so I butted in, but in the end he agreed on a price with them, and saw me onto the train. He chose a seat for me next to the carriage door, and I spread the Persian lamb overcoat he had made for me over it. He told me to be careful on the journey, and told me to watch out at night in case I caught a chill. Then he instructed the car attendant to look after me well. I laughed to myself at his naivety: the only thing that mattered to them was money, it was a sheer waste of time to ask them to do a good turn! Besides, I was grown up. Couldn’t I look after myself? Ah, when I look back now, I was really too clever for my own good!
我說道，「爸爸，你走吧。」他往車外看了看，說，「我買幾個橘子去。你就在此地，不要走動。」我看那邊月臺的柵欄外有幾個賣東西的等著顧客。走到那邊月臺，須穿過鐵道，須跳下去又爬上去。父親是一個胖子，走過去自然要費事些。我本來要去的，他不肯，只好讓他去。我看見他戴著黑布小帽，穿著黑布大馬褂，深青布棉袍，蹣跚地走到鐵道邊，慢慢探身下去，尚不大難。可是他穿過鐵道，要爬上那邊月臺，就不容易了。他用兩手攀著上面，兩腳再向上縮；他肥胖的身子向左微傾，顯出努力的樣子。這時我看見他的背影，我的淚很快地流下來了。我趕緊拭乾了淚，怕他看見，也怕別人看見。我再向外看時，他已抱了朱紅的桔子往回走了。過鐵道時，他先將桔子散放在地上，自己慢慢爬下，再抱起桔子走。到這邊時，我趕緊去攙他。他和我走到車上，將桔子一股腦兒放在我的皮大衣上。於是撲撲衣上的泥土，心裡很輕鬆似的。過一會兒說，「我走了，到那邊來信！」我望著他走出去。他走了幾步，回過頭看見我，說，「進去吧，裡邊沒人。」等他的背影混入來來往往的人裡，再找不著了，我便進來坐下，我的眼淚又來了。
I said, 『There is no need for you to wait around, dad.』 He looked out of the window and said, 『I』ll go and buy some oranges. Stay here, don’t go away.』 There were some hawkers waiting for customers behind the railings on the opposite platform. To get to that platform you had to jump down, cross the tracks, and climb up the other side. That would not be too easy for my father, seeing how fat he was. I volunteered to go myself, but he would have it his way. I watched him waddle over to the tracks, dressed in his black mandarin jacket and dark blue padded gown, with his black skullcap on his head. He slowly lowered himself down, which didn’t prove too difficult. But climbing onto the other platform was a different matter. Supporting himself with both hands on the edge of the platform, he drew his feet up; then he inclined his body to the left and appeared to be making a strenuous effort. As I watched him from behind, my tears gushed out. I hurriedly wiped my face dry, afraid that he would see, afraid that others would see. When I looked up again he was already on his way back with an armful of bright red oranges. To cross the tracks he first place the oranges on the ground, then slowly climbed down, then picked the oranges up again. I hurried to help him up when he got to my side of the track. He walked with me onto the train, plonked all the oranges down on my fur coat, and dusted himself off. Now seeming very relaxed, he said after a while, 『I』ll be off, then. Write to me when you get there.』 I watched him leave. After taking a few steps, he turned his head and saw me. He said, 『You』d better go in, there’s no one looking after your things.』 I waited until his retreating figure had been swallowed up in the throng before taking my seat. Then my tears came again.
近幾年來，父親和我都是東奔西走，家中光景是一日不如一日。他少年出外謀生，獨立支持，做了許多大事。哪知老境卻如此頹唐！他觸目傷懷，自然情不能自已。情鬱於中，自然要發之於外；家庭瑣屑便往往觸他之怒。他待我漸漸不同往日。但最近兩年的不見，他終於忘卻我的不好，只是惦記著我，惦記著我的兒子。我北來後，他寫了一信給我，信中說道，「我身體平安，惟膀子疼痛利害，舉箸提筆，諸多不便，大約大去之期不遠矣。」我讀到此處，在晶瑩的淚光中，又看見那肥胖的，青布棉袍，黑布馬褂的背影。唉！我不知何時再能與他相見！
In recent years, father and I have been on the move all the time, and our family fortunes have gone steadily downhill. He left home in his youth, stood on his own two feet, and did some great things. Being constantly reminded of his failure, he was of course unable to control his feelings; as his depression mounted, he naturally had to give vent to it. Trivial family matters made him fly into a temper. He came to treat me differently from the way he had in the past. But in these two years we have been parted, he has finally forgotten my faults, and is only concerned about my well-being, and my son’s well-being. After I came north he wrote me a letter, in which he said, 『I have reasonably well, it’s just that my shoulder gives me a lot of pain, which makes it awkward for me even to eat with my chopsticks or write with my brush. Probably my final exit is not too far away.』 When I read this I saw again, through glistening tears, that view from the rear of his fat shape, dressed in a long padded gown with a black mandarin jacket over it. Ah! When, I wonder, will we two be able to meet again?