北半球最大的冰原
The largest ice sheet in the Northern Hemisphere
正在融化
is simply melting away.
五級森林大火仍在肆虐
The five-alarm forest fire rages on.
佛羅裡達州的一名男子吸了浴鹽
A Florida man on bath salts
咬掉了一位女士的臉
has eaten a woman's face.
巴茲·杜根震驚了全世界
And Buzz Dougan has shocked the world!
我要感謝我的團隊和贊助商
I got to give thanks to my crew and to my sponsors,
但最重要的 我要感謝上帝賜予我這場勝利
but mostly, I want to give thanks to the Lord for the victory.
我必須要說 讚美上帝
And I just got to say praise God.
讚美上帝
...praise God...
-讚美... -上帝
- ...praise -- - god?
你好 羅茜
Oh. Uh, hey, Rosie!
我只是 在修理
I was just, uh, working on fixing, uh,
出現在地球上的問題
the problems down -- down on Earth.
您一點鐘的會議要開始了
It's time for your 1:00 meeting.
是我心儀的足球草案嗎
Oh, fantasy-football draft?
你要揭曉你結束所有痛苦的計劃
You were going to reveal your plan to end all pain.
是今天嗎 我...
Oh. That was today? I...
對 我一整個季度都在研究這個
Uh, yeah, I've been working on that all quarter.
你懂的 就是處理數字和...
You know, just crunching numbers and --
你聽到他說的了 他很忙
Okay, you heard him! He's very busy.
他沒有時間開這個會
He doesn't have time for this.
快點 快走
Come on! Chop-chop!
人們每天都在談論這個世界有多糟糕
People talk every day about how the world is screwed up,
但老兄 要我說 我們是被祝福的
but...man, I say we're blessed.
美好的事情每天都在發生
Great things happen every day.
美好的事情
Great things!
當然 這就是巴茲·杜根
And that, of course, was Buzz Dougan's final interview
在那場恐怖的爆炸發生前的最後一次採訪
before his horrific explosion at Daytona.
他死了
He is dead.
-不是吧 -接下來 極地冰川
- Come on! - Next up, the polar ice caps
正在以歷史性的速度融化
are melting at a historic rate.
科學家真的不敢相信
Scientists really cannot believe
我們的地球母親遭遇了什麼
what is happening to our Mother Earth.
媽媽咪呀
Hoochie mama.
奇蹟締造者
第一季第一集
天堂公司
天堂公司所有人員請注意
Attention Heaven Inc --
平安無事的天數: 0
早班現在開始
Morning shift starts now.
動物部
預算又被削減了
More budget cuts.
[上方為尚存物種
下方為滅絕物種]
星座部
正如你們所見 在下一個星座中
And in this next constellation, as you can see,
如果把所有點連起來 你會得出
if you connect all of the dots, you get...
巨熊座
a bear!
什麼
What?
他是副總裁的侄子
He's the VP's nephew.
一頭非常大的熊
A really big bear!
火山安全部
天使資源部
好吧 伊萊莎·亨特
Okay, Eliza Hunter.
你申請了轉崗
So, you've applied for a transfer.
-泥土部有什麼問題嗎 -沒有
- What is wrong with the Department of Dirt? u202d- Oh, nothing.
那是段非常有意義的經歷
It has been u202da really rewarding experience
製作數以百萬的小泥巴團 並把它們弄溼
making millions of tiny dirt clumps and wetting them,
再風乾 看著它們隨風飄走
drying them, watching them blow away,
但我覺得我可能準備好
but I think I might be ready
承擔更重的責任了
for a little more responsibility.
為什麼呢 泥土部
Why is that? The Department of Dirt
是這裡最穩定的崗位了
is one of the most stable jobs we've got here.
馬克在泥土部已經工作八萬年了
Mark worked in the Department of Dirt for 80,000 years.
退休金到手 分了一套很好的公寓 他很開心
Got his pension, has a very nice condo, and he's happy.
我知道 我真心為他感到高興
I know. u202dI'm really happy for Mark.
只是我...
I just...
我覺得地球上有很多更嚴重的問題
I just feel like there's a lot of big problems down on Earth,
我想幫上更多忙
and I want to do more to help.
伊萊莎 我知道你是新人
Eliza, I know you're new here,
但有些事你應該明白
but there's something you've got to understand.
拯救地球已經為時太晚
It's way too late to fix Earth.
現在不再是公元前三萬年了
It's not 30,000 B.C. anymore.
不是二十個肌肉發達的裸體人類和一群搖擺的恐龍
It's not 20 jacked naked people and a bunch of rockin' dinosaurs
在某個洞穴裡打架那麼簡單了
gettin' nasty in u202dsome sick-ass cave somewhere.
之前也不是那樣的吧
I don't -- I don't think that's how that was.
我是想說 你救不了地球
My point is, you can't fix Earth.
你不給我機會當然不行
Not if you don't give me a shot.
好吧 行
Okay. Fine.
我把你調到祈禱回應部去
I will transfer you to the Department of Answered Prayers.
批准
等下 還有回應祈禱的部門
Wait, there's a department that answers prayers?
謝謝
Thank you.
我等不及去看看了
I can't wait to see it.
有人嗎
u202dHello?
Hello?
-把所有的分到... -你好
- Dividing all that... u202d- Hello?
沒事 我是好人
Hey, it's cool. I'm cool. u202dOh.
他們剛把我從泥土部調來
They just transferred me from Dirt.
我叫伊萊莎
I'm Eliza.
好 歡迎
Oh, wow. Oh, well, welcome!
抱歉 我是克雷格 很抱歉朝你尖叫
Sorry. I'm Craig. I'm so sorry for screaming at you.
我一個人好幾年了 沒想到會有人來
I've been alone for years. And I wasn't expecting anyone.
沒事
It's all good.
這裡是不是有點暗
It is a little dark in here, huh?
我 我不知道
I-I-I don't know.
燈已打開
Lights are on.
好了 我們先回應哪條祈禱
All right, so, which prayer do we answer first?
是拯救生命 還是治癒疾病
Saving a life, curing a disease..?
你來得正是時候
You have arrived at a great moment.
這個人的情況非常緊急
This one is set to be a nail-biter.
好的
All right.
求你讓我找到我的車鑰匙吧
Please let me find my car keys.
鑰匙
Keys.
好 我們趕快把這個小問題搞定
Okay, yeah, guess we gotta get this little one out of the way.
-快把鑰匙給她變出來 -不行
- Let's zap her the keys. u202d- Oh, no.
我們不能破壞物理法則
We can't break the laws of physics.
不能無中生有 不能飛
No zapping. No flying.
他們會注意到的異常現象都不行
Nothing they're gonna notice.
那我們怎麼實現那些祈禱呢
So how do we answer prayers?
不露痕跡的 自然的現象
Discreet, natural phenomena.
鬼鬼祟祟地
Sneaky, sneaky.
祈禱類型
丟失鑰匙
隱藏在雪下面跟我玩捉迷藏
Teasing me from beneath the snow.
但是你可逃不掉爸爸我的眼睛
Ah, but you can't hide from Papa.
爸爸看到你啦
No, Papa sees you.
爸爸來抓你啦
And Papa is coming for you.
一片雪花被融化
One snowflake melted.
兩片雪花被融化
Two snowflakes melted.
對不起 這還要花多久...
I'm sorry. How much longer is this gonna --
九十萬零三百一十七片雪花被融化
900,317 snowflakes melted.
-我的鑰匙 -祈禱已實現
- My keys! - Prayer complete.
好了 我們接著處理個大點的吧...
Okay, okay. So, now we move onto something bigger...?
不 我們還沒完事呢
Well, no, no, no. We're not done yet.
好玩的來了
Here's something fun.
已實現
然後你可以把它貼牆上
And you can put it on the wall.
我們來看看 丟失鑰匙...
Uh, let's see. We've got lost keys...
丟失鑰匙...
lost keys...lost keys.
這個月有不少丟鑰匙的呢
A lot of lost keys this month.
-我找到了個好的 -什麼
- Ah! I found a good one. - What?
我們來看看
Let's see.
情況 生存危機
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