On the eve of becoming a stepmother, a woman wonders what the boy she has come to love like a son will call her...
在成為繼母的前夕，一個女人想知道，她開始像兒子一樣關愛的男孩會怎麼稱呼她……
Who Will You Be to Me?
你會成為我的誰？
Betsy Graziani Fasbinderb / 文
One afternoon before Tom and I were to be married, Max wandered into the dining room of the house, where I was sorting through a box of old photographs. He tossed a bright orange Nerf ball over and over, said nothing, and didn't look at me; he just focused completely on the ball.
在湯姆和我結婚前的一天下午，馬克斯走進餐廳，當時我在那兒整理一箱老照片。他不停地扔一個明黃色的碰碰球，一言不發，也不看我，完全集中在球上。
"Whatcha doin'?" he finally asked.
「你在幹什麼？」他最終問到。
"Just trying to organize some of my pictures," I said.
「只是在整理一些照片，」我答道。
編輯
In my months of living with them, I'd learned to let Max, who was all of seven, come close on his own. If I crowded him, he skittered away. If I was patient, though, we often ended up playing, laughing, and, recently, even snuggling on the couch with a book or a TV show.
在我和他們一起住的這幾個月，我學會讓七歲多的馬克斯自己靠近我。如果我離他太近，他會蹦開。但如果我耐心一點，我們會一起玩，一起笑，最近甚至開始一起窩在沙發上看書或看電視節目。
"Who's that?" he asked, peeking around my shoulder.
「那是誰？」 越過我的肩膀他問道。
"My mom when she was young."
「那是我媽媽年輕時候的樣子。」
"What's she sitting on?"
「她坐在什麼上面？」
"A paper moon. They used to have them at fairs and carnivals. People liked to pose for pictures on them."
「一輪紙月。過去經常在集市或者狂歡節上看到。人們喜歡在上面擺姿勢拍照。」
"That's dumb. It doesn't even look like a real moon."
「那樣好傻。它甚至都不像真正的月亮。」
"After the wedding, I suppose she'll be your grandma Sylvia."
「婚禮之後，我想她會成為你的外婆西爾維婭。」
"Cool."
「贊。」
"What about them?" he asked, pointing to a picture of my sister and her family.
「他們又是誰?」他指著一張我姐姐和她家人的照片問道。
"Di and Jim will be your aunt and uncle. Megan and Matt will be your cousins."
「迪和吉姆將是你的姑姑和叔叔。梅根和馬特會是你的表親。」
"Sweet," he said, looking into my face for the first time since he'd entered the room. His eyes were chocolate pools, his thick, dark hair a sleek, shiny coat that made me want to run my fingers over it.
「太好了，」他說著，盯著我的臉。這是他走進房間以來第一次看著我。他的眼睛是巧克力色的，像池水般清澈，他那濃密的黑髮，光滑閃亮的外套，讓我想要輕撫。
"I don't have any boy cousins. And how about him?"
「我沒有任何堂兄或者堂弟。他又是誰呢?」
"That's my brother John. He'll be another uncle."
「這是我弟弟約翰。他將是另一個叔叔。」
We sorted stacks of aunts and uncles, cousins and friends.
我們一起整理出了成堆的阿姨、叔叔、堂兄妹和朋友。
"Wow, you have a lot of people," Max said with a sigh.
「哇，你有很多親戚朋友，」麥克斯嘆了口氣說道。
"I suppose I do."
「我想是的。」
He began to finger through the stacks, messing up what I'd already sorted, but that was all right. My original task no longer mattered. As we neared the bottom of the stack, a honey-thick warmth began to fill me. Perhaps my family was to be the dowry I'd bring to this little boy who had lost so much.
他開始把我已經整理好的東西弄亂，但沒關係。那已經不再重要了。隨著我們接近這摞照片的底部，蜂蜜般的溫暖開始包裹著我。也許我的家庭是我給這個失去了很多的小男孩帶來的嫁妝。
編輯
"Whoa," he exclaimed, laughing at my third-grade photo, the one where my hair had been expanded to new dimensions by an especially humid Indiana day.
「哇，」他驚叫道，對著我三年級的照片笑道，照片裡，我的頭髮被潮溼的印第安納州天氣弄得十分誇張。
At moments like this, Max was just a little boy, buoyant with energy, easy with a laugh. He played Legos and watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And he tossed balls. At other times, when he was still or thought no one was looking, it seemed that the earth’s pull was just a little stronger where he stood, tugging the corners of his mouth downward, making his eyes years older than seven birthdays would imply.
在這樣的時刻，馬克斯只是一個小男孩，精力充沛，輕鬆愉快。他玩樂高玩具，看忍者神龜，扔球。其它時候，當他不動或者以為沒人看時，地心引力似乎在他所站的位置加強了，把他的嘴角往下拉，使得他的眼睛看上去比七歲的年齡要大。
Just as I was about to put the last of the pictures in the box, Max pressed his finger once more to a face. "And who will this be to me?"
就在我準備把最後一張照片放在盒子裡時，麥克斯再一次用手指按在一張臉上。「這個人會成為我的誰？」
Beneath his finger I could see the edges of my own face. My heart swelled. This son of the man I loved was becoming my son. We'd have family Christmas cards and school art stuck with magnets to the fridge. I'd make goody bags at birthday parties, snap pictures at graduations. I was becoming a mother but without the benefit of a growing belly or a baby shower to prepare me.
在他的手指下，我能看到自己的臉。此刻我心潮澎湃。我愛的那個人的兒子即將成為我的兒子。我們會一起做家庭聖誕卡和用磁鐵粘在冰箱上的學校藝術品。我會在生日聚會上做禮品袋，在畢業典禮上拍照。我即將成為一名母親，但沒有一個逐漸變大的肚子或準媽媽派對來讓我做好準備。
"Well, what do you think?"
「那你覺得呢？」
Max shrugged. Then he looked away, and I knew it was my job to field this one. "I'll be your second mom," I said.
馬克斯聳聳肩。然後他把目光移開，我知道這個問題我該自己回答。"我將是你的第二個媽媽。"
"Oh."
「噢。」
"I'm sorry that your first mom died. I liked her."
「我很抱歉你的第一個媽媽去世了。我喜歡她。」
"What should I call you?" he asked.
「我該怎麼稱呼你？」」他問道。
My heart pounded, and my stomach turned. I'll be your mama, and you'll be my son. "You can call me Mom, or Mama. You can also call me Betsy, if you'd rather. Whatever feels OK for you."
我的心在砰砰跳，我的胃在翻滾。我會是你的媽媽，你將是我的兒子。「你可以叫我老媽，或者媽媽。你也可以叫我貝琪，如果你願意的話。只要你覺得ok的都可以。」
He stood there a minute, and I waited, expecting a pronouncement of my new title.
他站在那裡站了一分鐘，我等待著，期待著新稱呼的宣布。
"What's for dinner?" he asked, picking up his ball.
「晚飯吃什麼?他問道，拿起他的球。
"Burgers."
「漢堡。」
"Sweet," he said, tossing the ball as he walked out of the room.
「太好了，」他說著，一邊走出房間，一邊把球扔了出去。
編輯
Tom and I were married a few months later. For a couple of days afterward, Max tried out a new title for me. "Can we go bowling?" he'd ask, and then follow the question by mouthing the word Mom. Or, "Can we go to the store?" And the mouthed word Mom. Mom was always silent.
湯姆和我幾個月後結婚了。在那之後的幾天裡，馬克斯試著為我找一個合適的稱呼。「我們可以去打保齡球嗎?」他會問，然後無聲地發出「媽媽」。或者，「我們可以去商店嗎？」最後還是以無聲的「媽媽」結尾。「媽媽」總是無聲的。
Week later, as I drove him home from school, Max pulled a baggie full of Cheez-Its from his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lunch box. He munched away, licking the orange dust off each finger. With his focus deep inside the near-empty snack bag, he suddenly said, "I notice I don't call you Mom."
幾周後，當我開車從學校接他回家時，馬克斯從他的忍者神龜午餐盒裡拿出了一個裝滿奶酪的袋子。他用力嚼著，舔掉手指上的橘色粉末。在他把注意力集中在幾乎空空的零食袋裡時，他突然說道：「我注意到我沒叫你媽媽。」
"I noticed that too."
「我也注意到了。」
"When I say Betsy, I mean Mom."
「當我說貝琪的時候，我的意思是媽媽。」
"Thanks," I said. "That's nice to know."
「謝謝,」我說。「我很高興知道這點。」
He looked out the window. "Moms die, you know. I think it's maybe safer if you're just Betsy.」
他望向窗外。「媽媽死了,你知道的。我想，如果你只是貝琪，那樣可能安全些。」
I willed tears away, not wanting to overwhelm him. He had enough to carry. "Thanks, bud. I appreciate you telling me."
我把眼淚咽回去，不想讓感情壓倒他。他所承擔的已經夠多了。 「謝謝你。我很感激你告訴我。」
Those big chocolate eys found mine. I waited.
那雙巧克力色的大眼睛看著我。我等待著。
"Hey, Betsy?"
「嘿,貝琪?」
"Yeah," I said, delighted with the new sound of my old name.
「怎麼啦，」我說，很高興再次聽到我的名字。
"Wha's for dinner?" he asked.
「晚飯吃什麼?」他問道。
編輯