隨著人們物質文明和精神文明的發展，人們對「婚姻」的看法好像也有了變化：
數據表明，越來越多的女性意識到自己的另一半是個「大豬蹄子」，日子還是自己一個人過來的舒坦
從歷史上看，婚姻為婦女提供了兩種選擇，但都不是一件好事：嫁給一個男人，犧牲自己的自主權和職業目標，自己在經濟上依賴於他。或嫁給一個男人並保持自己的職業，但同時要準備好來照顧他和這個家
但與此同時，「結婚」也意味著自己找到了終身的陪伴，在漫漫人生路中，有人傾訴、有人分享、有人打鬧...
你對「婚姻」持什麼態度呢？
讀外刊 · 看世界
Data confirms more women have realized there are far worse things than dying alone, which is bad news for the patriarchy
Not long ago I had a discussion with a friend about why she married, and ultimately divorced, someone she knew wasn’t right for her. She said she bought into society’s deafening message that being with a man – any man – is better than being alone, and certainly better than dying alone, which is allegedly the worst fate anyone, especially any woman, can suffer.
When I told her that I』ve never feared dying alone, and in fact have sometimes feared the opposite, she told me I was incredibly lucky. Because this meant I wouldn’t end up settling for a life that doesn’t actually make me happy, even if society tells me it’s supposed to.
Apparently I’m not alone. (Pun intended!) Data confirms that more women have begun to realize that there are far worse things than dying alone, which is great news for women but bad news for the patriarchy.
「Broke men are hurting women’s marriage prospects,」 the NY Post recently declared, citing a study from the Journal of Family and Marriage. The article claimed that 「most American women hope to marry」 but there is a shortage of men with stable incomes and lives, making it tough for women to do so.
CNN reports that there 「are more single working women than ever,」 and by 2030, according to the CDC, 「45% of working women ages 25 to 44 in the United States will be single」. This inspired this spirited Twitter exchange:
That Twitter clash perfectly captures a growing cultural divide. There are those who still believe that traditional marriage is the natural order of things – and that those not participating in this institution are failing society, and must be desperately unhappy and lonely.
Then there are the rest of us, who believe that traditional marriage is great for some, but not for everybody, and we certainly don’t feel like lonely failures for choosing to opt-out. (And yes, for many of us it is an active choice, not just an economic outcome.)
Contrary to decades of prevailing wisdom that those who marry are better off, a 2017 study published in the Journal of Women’s Health found that women who stay single or who divorce are actually healthier than those who stay married. By contrast, married men are healthier than men who are not. Why the discrepancy?
For starters, men are less likely to go to the doctor than women, unless of course women – ie wives – nudge them. Women are also traditionally better at maintaining social networks than men. When a man divorces, he may see his physical and emotional health slide. He loses the person concerned with keeping him healthy and much of his social network. By contrast, women who divorce just see their relationships evolve from investing in a man to investing more heavily in other social or community connections.
For years, the feminist writer Linda Hirshman courted controversy by advising that marriage, unless to an exceptional man, is often a 「bad bargain」 for women. With every child a woman has, she sees her pay and long-term professional opportunities decline, particularly if she leaves the workforce for a significant period of time.
Furthermore, marriage has historically presented women with two options, neither good: marry a man and sacrifice your autonomy and career goals to become financially dependent on him. Or marry a man and maintain your own career but be prepared to have a 「second shift」 career taking care of him and the home. Even among more open-minded millennial men, the female spouse still ends up doing the majority of caregiving and housekeeping.
More women, however, are foregoing marriage and motherhood. In doing so, they trade in their 「second shift」 and instead begin taking care of themselves. To use Hirshman’s language, they are rejecting a 「bad bargain」. This new status quo frustrates men who feel entitled to female companionship, such as angry male 「incels」.
While trying to explain the danger of incels (「involuntary celibates」) to my mother, I was surprised to hear her say, 「Well, they’re not entirely wrong.」 Realizing my horror, she went on to explain that women used to need a man to survive. That led to a lot of bad marriages and deterred divorces. She loves that, thanks to modern feminism, she gets to see women like me make decisions that are not predicated on needing a man to keep a roof over my head. 「You don’t have to settle,」 she said.
Women have more economic power and freedom to set standards regarding the men they will be with, and what they will put up with from those men, than at any time in history. More women are deciding that being in a bad marriage, or trying to co-parent with an irresponsible man, is much worse than dying alone.
Once dying alone is no longer scary to women, men lose power. So it shouldn’t be surprising that some incels are outraged. It’s no different than those who mourn the days when they didn’t have to compete for jobs against women and racial minorities. It must be frustrating to lose power you once had but didn’t necessarily deserve.
Which is why I owe a big thank you to my mom. Despite being married for nearly 50 years, she’s never pressured me to get married (even when she’s been a fan of the man I’m dating). But the main reason I owe her thanks is because she’s never minded going to dinner by herself. Until I grew older I didn’t realize such a small act was actually strangely politically subversive. Countless adults are terrified of simply going to the movies by themselves. I increasingly think Chris Rock was right when, years ago, he joked that a lot of people marry just to have someone to go to dinner and the movies with. Funny, but sadly, probably true.
It made me wonder how many people have endured unhappy relationships just so they wouldn’t be perceived as lonely. For so long, society has perpetuated the stigma that you need someone by your side to be seen as whole.
But more women are dismantling this stigma and eschewing the 「bad bargain」. They are finally deciding that being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. They』ve realized that they can channel the energy that for so long went into uplifting men into instead lifting themselves. That means more women staying in the workplace, more women running for office and more women grabbing their rightful seats at tables of power.
That’s not to say women shouldn’t marry and have children. It is to say women should feel empowered to do so, only if they truly want to and with partners who are worthy of them, who champion and nurture their success, not hold them back or drag them down. More women are embracing that message, and that could ultimately do more for women’s equality than any government policy ever will.
1. buy into
to believe sth, especially an idea that many other people believe in
信從，相信（尤指隨大流）
- I never bought into this idea that you have to be thin to be attractive.
我從來就不信這種瘦下來才會漂亮的說法。
2. deafening [ˈdef.ən.ɪŋ] adj.
extremely loud
震耳欲聾的，聲響巨大的
- The music is deafening.
音樂聲震耳欲聾。
註：
1. 原文中的deafening message就是指「人們普遍的觀點」，這個表達太形象了，一定要記住，只有記到大腦中才是自己的！
2. 補充這個單詞的一個搭配：deafening silence
a complete silence, when it is uncomfortable or you are expecting someone to say something
鴉雀無聲，死一般的寂靜
- The government's response to the report has been a deafening silence (= it was very noticeable that nothing was said or done).
政府對此報導顯然置之不理。
3. allegedly [əˈledʒ.ɪd.li] adv.
used when reporting something that people say is true, although it has not been proved
據說
- She allegedly stole the money. = Allegedly, she stole the money.
據說她偷錢了。
- He is on trial for allegedly taking bribes from a Finnish arms company.
他在任期間因遭指控接受了一個芬蘭武器公司的賄賂，現在接受審理。
4. patriarchy [ˈpeɪ.tri.ɑː.ki] CN/UN
a society in which the oldest male is the leader of the family, or a society controlled by men in which they use their power to their own advantage
父權制社會；男權社會
- Patriarchy has not disappeared - it has merely changed form.
父權制並沒有消失——只不過是改變了形式。
- She rails against patriarchy and hierarchy.
她抨擊男權制度和等級制度。
5. spirited [ˈspɪr.ɪ.tɪd] adj.
enthusiastic and determined
熱情飽滿的；積極堅定的
- The home team's spirited playing ensured them a comfortable victory.
主隊激情四射的表現使他們輕鬆贏得了比賽的勝利。
- spirited defence/ debate/ discussion
有力的辯護/激烈的辯論/熱烈的討論
- a spirited energetic girl
一個充滿朝氣、精力充沛的女孩
6. institution _____ CN
a custom or tradition that has existed for a long time and is accepted as an important part of a particular society
制度；習俗
- the venerable institution of marriage
神聖的婚姻制度
- [figurative] Mrs Daly is an institution - she's been with the company for 40 years and knows absolutely everyone.
戴利夫人是老資歷了——她在公司幹了40年，絕對了解每個人。
7. prevailing wisdom和第一段中的deafening message意思一樣，都是指「主流觀點」/「人們普遍認同的觀點」，這就是寫作中用詞多樣（variety）的體現之一
8. discrepancy [dɪˈskrep.ən.si] CN/UN
a difference between two things that should be the same
不一致，出入，差異
- There is some discrepancy between the two accounts.
這兩份帳單之間有一些出入。
- The committee is reportedly unhappy about the discrepancy in numbers.
據說委員會對數字不一致很不滿。
9. nudge [nʌdʒ] vt.
to gently persuade or encourage someone to take a particular decision or action
勸說；鼓勵
- We're trying to nudge them towards a practical solution.
我們正在努力促使他們找出一種切實可行的解決方法。
- British tour companies are nudging clients to travel further afield.
英國旅遊公司正鼓動客戶到更遠的地方去旅遊。
- Jack nudged Tom into selling his controlling interest.
傑克勸說湯姆賣掉他的控股權益。
10. court vt.
to risk something umpleasant, especially by behaving stupidly or carelessly
（尤指因行為愚蠢或粗心而）招致，招惹
- Drinking and driving is simply courting disaster.
酒後駕車純粹是在招惹禍端。
- to court danger / death / disaster
招致危險/死亡/災難
- As a politician he has often courted controversy.
作為政治人物,他常常招致爭議。
11. forego/ forgo [fɔːˈɡəʊ] vt.
to not have or do something enjoyable
放棄，摒絕（令人愉悅之物）
- I shall have to forgo the pleasure of seeing you this week.
這周我只好放棄與您相見的那份榮幸了。
- No one was preparing to forgo their lunch hour to attend the meeting.
誰都不願意放棄午餐時間出席會議。
12. the status quo [ˌsteɪ.təs ˈkwəʊ] 現狀
the present situation
現狀
- Certain people always want to maintain the status quo.
有些人總是想維持現狀。
- maintain / preserve / defend the status quo ( = not make any changes )
維持/保持現狀
13. keep a roof over my head
這個短語太形象了，按表面理解就是「讓頭頂有個屋頂」，「有個屋頂」就是「有個家」咯，原文的needing a man to keep a roof over my head就是「需要個男人給我一個家」/ 「需要個男人養我」 [ 我滴個媽呀 ]
- Dad worked two or three jobs to keep a roof over our heads.
為了養活我們，我爸爸在兩三個地方打工。
14. subversive [səbˈvɜː.sɪv] adj.
trying to destroy or damage something, especially an established political system
（尤指對現有政治體制）起破壞作用的，有顛覆性的
- subversive elements/ groups in society
社會上的顛覆分子／集團
- subversive ideas/ influences
煽動性想法／顛覆影響
15. stigma [ˈstɪɡ.mə] CN
a strong feeling of disapproval that most people in a society have about something, especially when this is unfair
恥辱；（尤指不公正的）惡名
- There is no longer any stigma to being divorced.
離婚不再是什麼恥辱的事了。
- Being an unmarried mother no longer carries the social stigma that it used to.
未婚媽媽不再像過去那樣在社會上背負惡名了。
註：
該詞常以單數形式存在哦～
16. eschew [ɪsˈtʃuː] vt.
to avoid something intentionally, or to give something up
迴避，避開；放棄
- We won't have discussions with this group unless they eschew violence.
除非這個團體放棄使用暴力，否則我們不會與之舉行會談。
- I had eschewed politics in favour of a life practising law.
我選擇從事律師行業，有意避開了政治。
17. channel vt.
to direct something into a particular place or situation
引導；把…...導入，將…...引入
- Ditches were constructed to channel water away from the buildings.
修造了溝渠把水引離建築物。
- If she could only channel all that energy into something useful.
要是她能把那些精力都傾注到有用的事情上就好了。
- A lot of money has been channelled into research in that particular field.
大筆經費投入到了那個領域的研究中。
18. uplift [ˈʌp.lɪft] vt.
If something uplifts people, it helps them to have a better life, for example by making them feel happy or by improving their social conditions.
使振奮；提升
- We need a little something to help sometimes, to uplift us and make us feel better.
有時候，我們需要一些小東西來激勵自己，使自己感覺更好。
- Art was created to uplift the mind and the spirit.
藝術創作旨在陶冶情操。
19. champion vt.
to publicly fight for and defend an aim or principle, such as the rights of a group of people
- She championed the cause of religious freedom.
她捍衛宗教自由事業。
- He has championed constitutional reform for many years.
他支持憲法改革好多年了。