Book 1 Unit 9
It is humorous essay. But after reading it you will surely find that the author is most serious in writing it.
Is There Life on Earth?
There was great excitement on the planet of Venus this week. For the first time Venusian scientists managed to land a satellite on the plant Earth, and is has been sending back signals as well as photographs ever since.
The satellite was directed into an area know as Manhattan (named after the great Venusian astronomer Prof. Manhattan, who first discovered it with his telescope 20,000 light years ago).
Because of excellent weather conditions and extremely strong signals, Venusian scientists were able to get valuable information as to the feasibility of a manned flying saucer landing on Earth. A press conference was held at the Venus Institute of Technology.
"We have come to the conclusion, based on last week's satellite landing," Prof. Zog said, "that there is no life on Earth."
"How do you know this?" the science reporter of the Venus Evening Star asked.
"For one thing, Earth's surface in the area of Manhattan is composed of solid concrete and nothing can grow there. For another, the atmosphere is filled with carbon monoxide and other deadly gases and nobody could possibly breather this air and survive."
"What does this mean as far as our flying sauce program is concerned?"
"We shall have to take our own oxygen with us, which means a much heavier flying saucer than we originally planned."
"Are there any other hazards that you discovered in your study?"
"Take a look at this photo. You see this dark black cloud hovering over the surface of Earth? We call this the Consolidated Edison Belt. We don't know what it is made of, but it could give us a lot of trouble and we shall have to make further tests before we send a Venus Being there."
"Over here you will notice what seems to be a river, but the satellite findings indicate it is polluted and the water is unfit to drink. This means we shall have to carry our own water, which will add even greater weight to the saucer."
"Sir, what are all those tiny black spots on the photographs?"
"We're not certain. They seem to be metal particles that move along certain paths. They emit gases, make noise and keep crashing into each other. There are so many of these paths and so many metal particles that it is impossible to land a flying saucer without its being smashed by one."
"What are those stalagmite projections sticking up?"
"They're some type of granite formations that give off light at night. Prof. Glom has named them skyscrapers since they seem to be scraping the skies."
"If all you say is true, won't this set back the flying saucer program several years?"
"Yes, but we shall proceed as soon as the Grubstart gives us the added funds."
"Prof. Zog, why are we spending billions and billions of zilches to land a flying saucer on Earth when there is no life there?
"Because if we Venusians can learn to breathe in an Earth atmosphere, then we can live anywhere."
課文翻譯
這是一篇幽默小品。但讀完以後你一定會發現，作者寫這篇文章是極為嚴肅的。
地球上有生命嗎？
本周金星上群情激動異常。金星上的科學家首次把一顆衛星成功地送上了地球，此後衛星便不斷地發回信號和照片。
衛星對準發射的地區叫曼哈頓（是以金星上偉大的天文學家曼哈頓教授命名的，在兩萬光年之前該教授用望遠鏡首次發現了這個地區）。
由於天氣條件極為有利，信號極為清晰，金星科學家們從而獲得了有關載人飛碟能否在地球上著陸的寶貴資料。於是，有關方面在金星理工學院舉行了一次記者招待會。
"根據上周發射的衛星所提供的資料，"佐格教授說，"我們已經得出結論：地球上沒有生命。"
"這您是怎麼知道的呢?"《金星晚報》的科學記者問。
"首先，曼哈頓地區的地球表面均由堅固的混凝土構成，那裡什麼東西也無法生長。另外，大氣層中充滿了一氧化碳和其他致命的氣體，任何人呼吸了這種空氣都不可能倖存下來。"
"這對我們的飛碟計劃來說又意味著什麼呢?"
"這意味著我們必須隨身攜帶我們所需要的氧氣，這樣一來，飛碟就要比我們原先計劃的重很多。"
"你們在研究中有沒有發現其他什麼危險呢?"
"請看這張照片。諸位看到在地球表面上方飄浮的這片深黑色的雲層嗎？我們把它叫做愛迪生聯合帶。雖然我們還不知道它含有什麼成分，但是它很可能會給我們帶來許多麻煩，我們還必須做更多的試驗，然後才能把金星人送往地球。
"這邊，諸位可以看到像是一條河似的東西，不過衛星探測的結果表明它已被汙染，河水不適於飲用。這意味著我們必須自己帶水，這就會給飛碟增加更多的重量。"
"先生，照片上那些小小的黑點是什麼?"
"我們也不清楚。它們好像是一些沿著某些軌道運動的金屬微粒。它們排放氣體，發出噪音，而且不斷地相互碰撞。那兒有很多這樣的軌道，很多這樣的金屬微粒，要使飛碟在那兒著陸而不被某一顆微粒撞毀是很難辦到的。"
"那些筆直豎立的石筍狀凸出物是什麼東西?"
"它們是某種夜間會發光的花崗巖結構。格洛姆教授把它們叫做摩天大樓，因為它們好像已經擦到了天。"
"如果您所說的都是事實，那飛碟計劃不就要推遲好多年嗎?"
"是的，但一俟格拉布斯塔特貸款基金會把追加的資金給我們，我們就會立即實施這一計劃。"
"佐格教授，既然地球上沒有生命，那我們為什麼還要花費億萬零元向那兒發射飛碟呢?"
"因為如果我們金星人能學會在地球的大氣層中呼吸的話，那我們就可以在任何地方生存了。"
本文由王樹振老師編輯整理，圖片來自網絡