八十年代
Back in the '80s,
湯姆·克魯斯在經典青少年電影《乖仔也瘋狂》中
Tom Cruise danced, dove, and crashed his way into our hearts
跳舞 潛水 一路衝進我們的心
in the classic teen movie "risky business."
他是不穿長褲 穿著短襪的派對狂人
He was a pantless, partying badass in tube socks.
對我哥巴瑞來說
But for my brother, Barry,
《乖仔也瘋狂》不僅是部電影
"Risky business" wasn't just a movie.
而是人生計劃
It was a plan for life.
見鬼 媽給地板打蠟了 再來一次
Dang it! Mom waxed the floor. I'm going again.
不應該穿鞋
Shoes were a bad idea.
再來
Going again.
關於克魯斯式滑地板我是怎麼說的
What did I tell you about Tom Cruising the floor, huh?
太危險了
It's incredibly risky.
危險 這才是重點
Risky. That's the point.
我是認真的 巴瑞
I mean it, Barry.
取下墨鏡 看著我的眼睛
Take those sunglasses off and look me in the eye.
你想摔破頭嗎
Do you want to crack your head open?
不再克魯斯式滑地板 說
No Tom Cruising. Say it.
不再克魯斯式滑地板
No Tom Cruising.
口氣要像不想要腦損傷的人
Say it like someone who doesn't want brain damage.
不再克魯斯式滑地板
No Tom Cruising.
幾年以來
For years,
巴瑞對"乖仔也瘋狂"的生活念念不忘
all Barry wanted was to live "risky business."
他的機會終於來了
And he finally got his shot
多虧他那叛逆 壞影響的女友
thanks to his rebellious, bad-influence girlfriend,
蘭妮·路易斯
Lainey Lewis.
保時捷 無可替代
Porsche. There is no substitute.
夥計
Dude.
太性感太棒了
This is super hot and awesome,
你爸會殺了你的
but your dad's gonna kill you.
我爸去參加
Actually, my dad just left
亞特蘭大的地板商大會
for a flooring convention in atlanta.
他給了我很多披薩錢 加兩條規定
He gave me a buttload of pizza money and two rules --
不準開保時捷 不準開派對
No driving his porsche and no parties.
車開了 派對還沒
One down, one to go.
瑞貝卡·德·莫妮啊 終於成真了
Sweet Rebecca De Mornay, it's happening!
《乖仔也瘋狂》女主
我們要辦一場超勁爆的"乖仔也瘋狂"派對
We're gonna throw a real, live kick-ass "risky business" party!
愛麗卡 我們需要啤酒桶
Erica, we need a keg stat.
蘭妮 後面去
Lainey, jump in back.
大甜甜來開車
Big tasty's taking the wheel.
我的腿動不了
I can't move my legs.
我不應該在後面 為什麼這麼熱
I don't belong back here. Why is it so hot?!
空調對著我
Turn the vents on me.
我的天 拜託別再抱怨了
My god, please stop whining!
但這本應該是我"乖仔也瘋狂"的時刻
But this was supposed to be my "risky business" moment.
我是湯姆·克魯斯
I'm Tom Cruise.
不 你是電影中坐在後面的怪胎
No, you're the weird guy in the movie who sits in the back.
玩鼻屎的那個嗎 放屁
The dude who played booger? That's bullcrap.
我不是 你才是
I'm not booger. You be booger.
抽筋 腿抽筋了
Cramp! Leg cramp!
-我的大肌腱肌肉太多 -你做什麼
My hamstrings are too muscular. What are you doing?
我得伸展一下
I got to stretch out.
坐在後面做個乖鼻屎
Just sit there like a good booger!
別踩著換檔器
Get your foot off the gear shift!
我在努力
I'm trying!
誰都不要動
Nobody move!
我只動一點
I'm just gonna move a little.
巴瑞 別動
Barry! Don't move.
別擔心 我像忍者一樣
Don't worry. I'm like a ninja.
我得
I'm just gonna --
公平來講 這是大家的錯
I think it's fair to say this was everyone's fault.
閉嘴 鼻屎
Shut up, booger.
那是一九八幾年的9月23日
It was september 23, 1980-something,
我與第一任正式女友戴娜·考德威爾
and I was in my first official long-distance relationship
正談著人生第一場異地戀
with my first official girlfriend, Dana Caldwell.
不 你先掛
No, you hang up.
不 你先掛
No, you hang up.
不 你先掛
No, you hang up.
-你掛 -你掛
- You hang up. - You hang up.
-你掛 -你掛
- You hang up. - You hang up.
拜託趕緊掛吧
Someone please hang up.
我聽不清傑克對那個胖子說什麼
I can't hear what ?jake is saying to the fat man.
在電郵和網絡聊天出現以前
Back before e-mail and skype,
唯一保持聯繫的方法就是通電話
the only way to stay connected was to talk on the telephone
更加浪漫的則是唱歌
or, for extra romance, sing.
一步一步
* Step by step *
不幸的是 我正處於變聲期
Unfortunately, my voice was in a transitional period.
左右左
* Left, right, left *
我們都會摔倒
* We all fall down *
像玩具士兵一樣
* Like toy soldiers *
我的天 這可怕的聲音是你發出來的呀
Oh, my god, that terrible sound is you?
還是讓專業人士來唱吧 我
Leave the singing to the professionals -- me!
儘管我的聲音變了
Even though my voice changed,
但我們的關係依然很親密
we were still as strong as ever.
我想周五晚上
I was thinking that friday night
我們可以一起看哈雷彗星
we could look at halley's comet together.
一生只有這一次機會哦
Only comes around once every lifetime.
你太棒了
Aww. You're amazing.
我在這裡看 你在西雅圖看
So, I'll watch it from here and you'll watch it in seattle.
你是打給西雅圖嗎
Whoa. You're talking to seattle?
丹妮爾不是住在街尾嗎
I thought Danielle lived down the street.
她是戴娜 我跟你說過無數次 她搬家了
It's Dana, and I told you a million times she moved.
不能在8點前打到西雅圖去
You can't call seattle before 8:00.
你知道你的女友會花我多少錢嗎
Do you have any idea how much your girlfriend's gonna cost me?
你害我先掛電話了
Hey! ?You made me hang up first.
抱歉 亞當
I'm sorry, Adam.
我負擔不起你的愛 太貴了
I can't afford your love. It's too pricy.
這是什麼意思
What's that supposed to mean?
就是說 我要取消長途
It means I'm canceling our long-distance service.
這是這樣
There, it's done.
戀情結束了
Relationship over.
老爺子 跟這個無情的人好好說說
Pops, talk some sense into this heartless man.
你是個聰明孩子
You're a smart kid.
想個新招和她聯繫
Find a creative way to connect with her.
有次我通過電報和一個菲律賓女人談戀愛
You know, I once dated a filipino woman via telegram.
真的嗎
Really?
當然 西聯電報公司不得不叫停我們
Of course, western union had to shut us down
因為馬拉三句話就開始開黃腔
because Mala could get very filthy in just three sentences.
重點是 愛
Point is -- love.
好吧 你的話完全沒用
Okay, you're useless to me.
儘管我很生氣
As angry as I was,
可根本比不上
it couldn't hold a candle to the rage my mom felt
我媽發現保時捷這件事後的怒氣
when she found out out the Porsche.
別被我的毛衣騙了
Do not be fooled by my sweater.
我一點也不飛揚
I am not flappy.
我很"飛怒"
I'm very flangry.
好消息是
The good news is,
蘭妮 我跟你爸談過了
Lainey, I spoke to your father.
我把車的事告訴他了
I told him all about his car
還有超勁爆的"乖仔也瘋狂"派對
and all about the kick-ass "risky business" party.
什麼 你怎麼知道的
What?! ?How do you know about that?
超勁爆的
"List of stuff to get
"乖仔也瘋狂"派對的購物清單
for our kick-ass 'risky business' party
因為蘭妮的爸爸去了亞特蘭大
because Lainey's dad is in atlanta."
白痴 你為什麼寫下來
Idiot! Why'd you write it down?
我看到了才會想起
I'm a visual thinker.
肅靜
Hush up!
蘭妮 好消息是
The good news is, Lainey,
你爸同意在他回來前 你住我家
your dad agreed to let you stay with us until he gets back.
就是說我有六天時間來修復你的人生
That means I have six days to fix your entire life.
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