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嘿 昨晚看QI(脫口秀)了沒?
Hey, you men watch QI last night?
有啊老兄 那個史蒂芬·弗雷真不厚道
Yeah, bro, that Stephen Fry's a bad man.
沒看 那會兒我在上大鍵琴課 不記得了?
Nah, I studied for my harpsichord lesson, innit?
哦 對 對 對
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
走開
Go away.
我說走開
I said go away.
沒人在家
Nobody home.
好吧! 就來了!
All right! I'm coming!
這裡是瘋人調頻 精神病患者的首選電臺
This is Maniac FM, the number one station for psychopaths
專為全國範圍內 躲在暗處
tenderly stroking potential murder weapons
輕撫兇器的同道們服務
in dimly lit lairs, nationwide.
為了帶給大家好心情
And now to get you in the mood,
下面帶來"搖擺不定男生"
here's the new
的最新單曲
single from JLS.
- 你好啊 老爺爺? - 包裡都有啥?
- All right, Grandad? - What's in the bag?
嘿 包裡帶了啥啊 老爺爺?
Hey, what's in the bag, Grandad?
來啊 老瘋子 跟我們說說二戰的事兒
Come on, battyboy, tell us about World War II.
你們懂什麼二戰?
What would you know about World War II?
嘿 老兄 我看過電影
Hey, bruv, I seen the film.
湯姆·漢克斯比你厲害多了
Tom Hanks done more than you, bruv.
他能把你的腿擰到眼睛這兒
He'd shank you in your eye.
而且他還演了阿甘正傳
And he done Forrest Gump.
跟他一比 你就像個娘炮
Hanks makes you look like a pussy.
- 一個老娘娘腔 - 兩個老娘娘腔
- An old pussy. - Two old pussies.
- 不 不 讓我來 - 三個老娘娘腔!
- Nah, nah, I got it. - Three old pussies!
三個老娘娘腔拎著一個購物袋
Three old pussies with a shopping bag.
- 娘娘腔 - 我一進門就叫警察來
- Pussy. - I'm gonna call the police when I get in.
敢這麼做你就死定了 聽到沒?
You do that and you're dead, yeah?
死定了 你個老傻瓜!
Dead, you stupid old man!
死掉... 就像這樣...
Dead... like this...
老爺爺
Grandad.
嘿 嘿
Heh-heh.
你死定了 老頭兒!
You're dead, Granddad!
這老蠢貨還養貓!
The silly old man got a cat!
是的 國王 我... 我給你買了晚餐
Yes, King, I... I've got your dinner.
馬上來 別擔心
Now, don't you worry.
來吧 來 真是個好小夥子
Come on. Come on, there's a good boy.
誰在那兒?
Who's there?
哦 上帝啊 上帝 不
Oh, God. God, no.
不要!
No!
千絲萬縷 第一季第一集
是傑克·克勞斯探長嗎?
Inspector Jack Cloth?
哪位找?
Who wants to know?
安妮·奧德曼(姓音似老頭子)
Anne Oldman.
他在哪兒?
So, where is he?
安妮·奧德曼 你的新警長
Anne Oldman, your new DC.
我的新警長可不是老頭子
My new DC's not an old man.
據我所知 那是個以第一名成績
It's some top-of-her-class Hendon graduate,
從密德薩斯學院畢業
all tits and ambition,
有胸有野心的傢伙
from what I've heard.
我就是安妮·奧德曼警長
I'm DC Anne Oldman.
我的證件上有特寫
Here's a close-up of my credentials.
局裡的人給了我你家地址
Boys down the station gave me your address.
進來吧
Come in.
你來這兒幹嘛 奧德曼?
Why are you here, Oldman?
- 應該是奧德曼 先生 - 什麼?
- Old-man, sir. - What?
你讀成"歐德曼"了
It's pronounced, "Old man".
你來這兒有何貴幹 奧德曼?
Why are you here, Oldman?
為了冉當地區發生的謀殺案
Murder on the Rundowne Estate.
受害者是名授勳的戰鬥英雄
Victim was a decorated war hero.
很顯然 參加過敦刻爾克撤退
Dunkirk, apparently.
- 是位老人家? - 是的
- An old man? - Yes.
你幹嘛不直接打電話?
Why didn't you just ring?
我們打過 但你的手機一定是
We did, but your phone must have been...
關機了
off.
民兵組織派你來的?
So, the ACC sent you?
民兵組織和退伍軍人管理部門
ACC and the DAC,
警長辦公室也很急 希望我們儘快解決
SO's OS so they need us ASAP.
監控錄像呢? DNA有嗎?
CCTV? DNA?
沒 管監控的擅離職守了
N-O. VSU's gone AWOL.
我的老天
OMFG.
真該死
SH1T.
聽說我們備受愛戴的副局長湯姆·波士
I hear our beloved Assistant Chief Constable Tom Boss
以前推薦過你
has been grooming you for some time.
絕不能相信網上認識的任何人
Never trust anyone you meet on the Internet.
他聽起來很不耐煩 說會在現場和我們碰頭
He sounded impatient. Said he'd meet us at the scene.
那你來開車吧
Then let's just cut to you driving a car.
是可預防的謀殺 完畢
Preventable killing, over.
再重複一遍 是可預防的謀殺 完畢
Repeat, preventable killing, over.
這傢伙看起來很強硬 對吧?
This guy looks uncompromising, innit?
對 很不安 是的 焦慮不安一團糟
Yeah, troubled, yeah. All haunted and shit.
看起來這傢伙還沒開始信任自己的新搭檔
Looks like the type of guy don't trust his new partner yet.
我打賭他馬上就要跳一小步
Bet he does a little skip in a minute.
這才對嘛!
Yeah!
受害者是艾伯特·託馬斯·斯塔福德
Victim's an Albert Thomas Stafford,
二戰老兵
World War II veteran.
八十五歲 一周沒出門 獨居 家裡養一隻貓
85 years old. Not been seen all week. Lived alone. One cat.
喜歡看電影金色池塘
Liked On Golden Pond.
偏愛抹黃油的烤全麥麵包
Partial to Soreen malt loaf, lightly toasted with butter.
收藏每日鏡報前主編
Collected autographed photos
也是CNN犀利哥皮爾斯·摩根的籤名照
of former Daily Mirror editor and CNN irritant Piers Morgan.
很少乘坐公共運輸工具
Rarely used public transport.
喜歡在周圍步行
Preferred to get around by walking,
習慣在把全身重量加到另一條腿前
which he did by placing one foot on the ground
先單腳踏地
before transferring his weight to the opposing leg.
不與他人來往
Kept himself to himself.
他身板也一直硬朗 所以這個案子始料未及
Never been found dead before, so this is out of character.
呃 哦 上帝
Eurgh. Oh, God.
給你個有用的建議 手放在兜裡
Useful tip, keep your hands in your pockets.
免得碰到什麼
Reduces the temptation to touch things.
給你手套 長官
Glove, sir.
來個人把那個關了!
Someone turn that off!
他先前出去採購
He'd been out shopping.
收據顯示他在當地寵物店買了些東西
Receipts indicate several purchases at the local pet shop.
- 有線索嗎? - 沒有
- Any leads? - No.
只是貓穗草和滅蚤頸圈
Just catnip and a flea collar.
還有一些... 這個
And several... of these.
瑞曼店裡標價五美元 買了十個
Ten for the price of five at Ryman's.
屍體在哪兒?
Where's the body?
在臥室
In the living room.
先生?
Sir?
你要有個強壯的胃才行
You'll need a strong stomach.
那裡就像個犯罪現場
It's like a crime scene in there.
哦! 瑪麗(作者)
Oh! Mary,
珍珠媽媽(小說 現場與之描述相似)
mother-of-pearl.
- 這邊來 歐德忙 - 應該是奧德曼
- Over here, Oldmun. - Oldman.
不再是了(指受害者的慘狀)
Not any more.
你身上發生了什麼 艾伯特·斯塔福德?
What happened to you, Albert Stafford?
他沒法告訴你 他死了 先生
He can't tell you. He's dead, sir.
啊!
ARGH!
哦! 哦! 哦!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
娜塔莎 有什麼發現嗎?
What have we got, Natasha?
- 咱倆之間? - 對
- Between us? - Yeah.
一段不言而喻但從未曝光的上床史
An implied but never openly referenced sexual history
和沒處理乾淨的事情
and the suggestion of unfinished business.
關於他的結論?
And him?
不是我的菜 我喜歡的男人就像我喜歡的咖啡
Not my type. I like my men like my coffee.
更苦些
Bitter.
而且也沒有被貓啃了一半
And not half-eaten by cats.
艾伯特至少被啃了一個禮拜了
Albert's had been feasting on him for at least a week.
飢餓的貓咪有著貪婪的胃口